So, I started a new boot camp class this morning trying to push myself a little and get back into the groove of meeting other women in the morning to exercise ... and I figure it can't hurt with the running to build other kind of strength.
I got up at 5 a.m. so I can hit this twice a week class before I go teach. I was ready to go and excited for the challenge. It was a disaster. I felt crappy. I had to throw up -- I don't think I've ever done that during an exercise class and I felt very Biggest Loser. I don't know what the deal was but I spent a good little bit of time beating myself up about it. I don't think I'm out of shape and I don't think it should be all that hard, but I ended up feeling kind of like a failure. The coach was great and she reminded me that I haven't been doing this stuff for awhile. And she wondered if I was coming down with something, which I kind of feel like I am.
Still, self doubt. (And it didn't help that I had a little disappointment over the weekend that is making me a bit stressed.)
But life has a way of throwing you a pick-me-up when you most need it.
I walked into a morning press conference and one of my friends asked me if I was planning on wasting away -- seriously, did he not notice the extra pounds I've put on in the past several weeks of eating out and downing Christmas cookies every chance I got? Then someone complimented my outfit later on.
Then I went to do an interview with these really interesting ladies and I remembered how lucky I am to have a job that interests me -- most of the time -- and affords me the opportunity to meet such interesting people.
Seriously, it was one of those days that reminds you no matter how gray you feel there are always rays of sunshine. So, I started to reframe my thoughts.
Instead of beating myself up, I remembered that I have gone more than a full week without drinking a sugary soda and have outlasted my pledge of going a week with no Coke. I remembered that no matter what I see in the mirror, other people see the beautiful woman I am. I remembered that no matter how much work I have to do, it's good stuff and good stories.
And I remembered how lucky I am to be able to do all the things I do. I have a new group of students to get to know and at least on this first day of class, they seemed pretty enthusiastic and I can believe they will stay that way.
Life is a series of hills and valleys -- and sometimes you feel like you are walking in both at the same time. But at least I'm walking .... And sometimes you can't figure out how to get out of the valley so the best thing to do is just to stop trying to control it and enjoy the ride as much as possible.
There is a lot to be thankful for ... no matter how many stresses there are.