I'm not going to say good riddance to 2009 -- it hasn't ended on a particularly happy note this year but I can't say it was all bad. When I think of where I was a year ago, I know I'm in a much better place. I didn't expect to be battling heartbreak again, but you just never know. I am very happy for the good times I had this year with Ben. It's hard to say goodbye, but I'm letting it go. I deserve better than I've been treated recently. And for a change, I know it.
The gift giving has been good for me ... not sure what today's gift will be. My motto for today is "Today I give with hope." So, I'm looking for opportunities.
Day 17, which was Tuesday, was my sister's birthday. I had left a present in Detroit for her. She's a fantastic sister who works really hard and is carrying more of the responsibility at home of helping my dad. She's got a beautiful new house and great step-daughter. And I think there will be some wonderful things happening for her this year.
Day 18: Wednesday. I got an email from Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Kentuckiana encouraging people to give 20.10 before the new year. I've been a big sister before when I lived in Port Huron. And I've thought about doing it again here, but I'm just afraid I wouldn't have the time to devote. Plus, I do try to spend time regularly with my little friends -- kids of co-workers. So, I think that's informally the same thing. So, for Wednesday's gift, I sent in my $20.10. It's a good cause and I do like to support them even if I can't make the time commitment.
As I'm heading into 2010 I have been making a goal list. These are not really resolutions, just a list of things I'd like to try this year. A bucket list of sorts. There were some things I didn't get to last year -- like I still haven't visited Shakertown. And I've got two marathons on the list for this year -- San Diego and Chicago. (anyone who wants to join in or just travel to cheer me on is welcome.) I'm going to raise $3,000 for leukemia research. I'm going to actually start writing these books and stop just talking about it. I'm going to be ready for adventure. I'm going to pay off my debt. And I'm going to see as many friends as possible.
And inspired by Kat, I'm going to write a letter to someone every week and try to reconnect with people and the art form of letter writing. And I want to be better at writing thank you notes.
I want to thank you all for being there for me this year. I'm going to continue to need your support and friendship. And maybe there will be some new friends this year too. I'm open to suggestions this year -- looking for adventure, dates, laughs, etc.
Happy New Year!
Love you all ...
Jess
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Catching up ... post holiday
Four days just sped by like a whirlwind. So, I'm just getting to the catching up part as I attempted to stay off computers during the Christmas visit home. Here we go:
Day 12: Christmas Eve
When I was a kid, my sister and I used to follow this routine of begging my mom to start a new tradition where we were able to open one gift on Christmas Eve. How did that work out? Not so much. But this year, with my sister married and lots of family gatherings to deal with, we decided to open several of the presents between my sister, me and my mom -- and the brother-in-law Michael too. We had a great dinner together and then settled around my mom's beautiful tree. It was a lot of fun, though a little odd to be opening gifts before Santa arrives. : ) But we're on to new traditions in my family. I gave some nice gifts to Kate and Michael and received some lovely ones myself -- including a Wii from all of them and my mom.
Day 13: Christmas
This is the BIG day of giving. And my family takes it to heart. We love to give presents and probably give way too many. I've always loved Christmas because it is an excuse for me to give presents without people looking at me strange. I just love to give people things and without an excuse like the holiday, sometimes it seems a little odd to folks.
I love seeing people's faces as they realize what they've gotten that they either didn't expect or it was exactly what they wanted. I'm not going to lie, I love opening presents too. I know that's not necessarily in the spirit of the 29 gifts concept, but who doesn't like to get a pretty package? I gave my dad a journal, because several people have been urging him to document how this experience with cancer goes. I believe in journaling -- kind of doing that now -- so I gave him one to get him started hopefully.
Day 14:
Today I gave my sister Alex -- a full-fledged teenager in angst -- a shopping trip to the after Christmas sales. I gave her things to open on Christmas but figured she would want to pick out her own clothes. She's obsessed with skinny jeans, so I fulfilled her need by finding her some cool, skinny cords at the Gap. For me, the real gift was being able to spend time together. But she's 16 so who knows if she sees that as a gift or not. I'm hopeful that some day she will appreciate it for that.
Day 15:
Traveling home was not high on my list of fun things to do. It just so happens that I would be flying out of the same Detroit airport where a thwarted terrorist attempt occurred on Christmas. But I summoned up my patience and braved the lines to check my bag -- something I normally try not to do but figured it would be easier and more hassle-free to deal with. I made it through with pretty minimal hassle and without losing my temper, so that was a gift in and of itself. My aunt picked me up at the airport and for my gift of the day, I took her to dinner.
Day 16: finally up to date ...
First day back at work ... seems like I never left. There aren't many people here today so it's been pretty quiet. Got drafted to cover a funeral tomorrow for two little boys killed in a fire on Christmas. Everyone else was whining about how they didn't want to have to cover such a sad event ... seriously? What do they think I do all the time? Nearly everything I write about it sad and I don't love doing it, but I hope I bring some compassion to the table when I do it.
Today's gift I'm planning to give to my friend Sarah. It was her birthday yesterday so I have a little gift for her. And we're going to a movie after eating some home made gumbo so that will be fun too.
I'm hoping to get to sleep at a normal hour, my system has been out of whack for weeks. I want to head to the gym in the morning because I think that could really help with the mood.
I always have a little let down after the holiday. And it was hard to come home to an empty house after so much family activity. But I keep repeating to myself that 2010 is going to be my year and I think there will be a lot of wonderful things in store for me this next year. And like Death Cab says this loneliness and heartbreak will seem like "a series of blurs, like never occurred."
Day 12: Christmas Eve
When I was a kid, my sister and I used to follow this routine of begging my mom to start a new tradition where we were able to open one gift on Christmas Eve. How did that work out? Not so much. But this year, with my sister married and lots of family gatherings to deal with, we decided to open several of the presents between my sister, me and my mom -- and the brother-in-law Michael too. We had a great dinner together and then settled around my mom's beautiful tree. It was a lot of fun, though a little odd to be opening gifts before Santa arrives. : ) But we're on to new traditions in my family. I gave some nice gifts to Kate and Michael and received some lovely ones myself -- including a Wii from all of them and my mom.
Day 13: Christmas
This is the BIG day of giving. And my family takes it to heart. We love to give presents and probably give way too many. I've always loved Christmas because it is an excuse for me to give presents without people looking at me strange. I just love to give people things and without an excuse like the holiday, sometimes it seems a little odd to folks.
I love seeing people's faces as they realize what they've gotten that they either didn't expect or it was exactly what they wanted. I'm not going to lie, I love opening presents too. I know that's not necessarily in the spirit of the 29 gifts concept, but who doesn't like to get a pretty package? I gave my dad a journal, because several people have been urging him to document how this experience with cancer goes. I believe in journaling -- kind of doing that now -- so I gave him one to get him started hopefully.
Day 14:
Today I gave my sister Alex -- a full-fledged teenager in angst -- a shopping trip to the after Christmas sales. I gave her things to open on Christmas but figured she would want to pick out her own clothes. She's obsessed with skinny jeans, so I fulfilled her need by finding her some cool, skinny cords at the Gap. For me, the real gift was being able to spend time together. But she's 16 so who knows if she sees that as a gift or not. I'm hopeful that some day she will appreciate it for that.
Day 15:
Traveling home was not high on my list of fun things to do. It just so happens that I would be flying out of the same Detroit airport where a thwarted terrorist attempt occurred on Christmas. But I summoned up my patience and braved the lines to check my bag -- something I normally try not to do but figured it would be easier and more hassle-free to deal with. I made it through with pretty minimal hassle and without losing my temper, so that was a gift in and of itself. My aunt picked me up at the airport and for my gift of the day, I took her to dinner.
Day 16: finally up to date ...
First day back at work ... seems like I never left. There aren't many people here today so it's been pretty quiet. Got drafted to cover a funeral tomorrow for two little boys killed in a fire on Christmas. Everyone else was whining about how they didn't want to have to cover such a sad event ... seriously? What do they think I do all the time? Nearly everything I write about it sad and I don't love doing it, but I hope I bring some compassion to the table when I do it.
Today's gift I'm planning to give to my friend Sarah. It was her birthday yesterday so I have a little gift for her. And we're going to a movie after eating some home made gumbo so that will be fun too.
I'm hoping to get to sleep at a normal hour, my system has been out of whack for weeks. I want to head to the gym in the morning because I think that could really help with the mood.
I always have a little let down after the holiday. And it was hard to come home to an empty house after so much family activity. But I keep repeating to myself that 2010 is going to be my year and I think there will be a lot of wonderful things in store for me this next year. And like Death Cab says this loneliness and heartbreak will seem like "a series of blurs, like never occurred."
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Day 11 -- Heading home
So, tonight I head home for the next few days to spend time with the family for Christmas.
Got a big gift this morning with news that my dad is considered in remission now. Of course, we're not out of the woods and he'll have some more chemo. But this is really, really good news and means he's responding to the treatments. Not sure all the details, but that's a pretty good gift this holiday.
Yesterday I realized how powerful the universe is. I've been anticipating, maybe dreading is the word, that some day when I got home there would be some of my stuff that I left at Ben's waiting for me on my doorstep. And yesterday was that day. I was a little shocked and really disappointed when I realized that he didn't even leave the slightest note -- I wasn't expecting one but I can tell you I feel like I deserve a little better than this cold treatment I've gotten from him given the extent of our relationship. Anyway ... I"m not going to dwell on it. But I'm writing about it to point out that as I was getting this sad blow to my heart, I also received a gift from the universe. It wasn't just my stuff left for me ... I had three gifts sitting on my stoop as well, dropped off from friends I didn't expect. It was perfect timing. Ben couldn't have brought the stuff on a better day for me ...
Anyway ... today's gift giving goes to my little friends. I love kids. And I have been thinking about kids and how I don't have any a lot lately. Sometimes it makes me sad. But then I have to remind myself that I have lots of children in my life. I'm lucky that I have three little friends in town -- children of co-workers -- that let me hang out with them. So, today I delivered presents to Lucy and Israel's parents so they will have a little gift from me. Elise will get hers when we hang out next weekend.
I also haven't always been so good about setting an intention for my giving for each day, which is something the 29 Gifts folks suggest you do. But feeling kind of glum this morning, I decided that today's intention is "Today I give with hope." I think I need to stay connected to my hope these days.
I'm not sure if I'll be able to blog while I'm home ... but I'll be saving up my stories for next week if I can't get on the computer. Rest assured ... I'm going to keep giving.
Also -- Kat "thiefer face" Gallagher and I were talking last night and she's liking this idea of the 29 Gifts. But she wants to do something a little different. So, she's planning a new thing that I kind of like too. She's calling it 52 weeks of letters -- an exercise in sending good, old-fashioned snail mail to people. She wants to do a different person each week. I think this is a good idea too so I'm contemplating adding it to my list of goals for 2010. I'm going try to come up with a list of people that I'd like to write to and see where it goes. I'm not sure I want to do 52 different people, but that might be an interesting part of the challenge. Anyone else interested in seeing if we could do this?
Got a big gift this morning with news that my dad is considered in remission now. Of course, we're not out of the woods and he'll have some more chemo. But this is really, really good news and means he's responding to the treatments. Not sure all the details, but that's a pretty good gift this holiday.
Yesterday I realized how powerful the universe is. I've been anticipating, maybe dreading is the word, that some day when I got home there would be some of my stuff that I left at Ben's waiting for me on my doorstep. And yesterday was that day. I was a little shocked and really disappointed when I realized that he didn't even leave the slightest note -- I wasn't expecting one but I can tell you I feel like I deserve a little better than this cold treatment I've gotten from him given the extent of our relationship. Anyway ... I"m not going to dwell on it. But I'm writing about it to point out that as I was getting this sad blow to my heart, I also received a gift from the universe. It wasn't just my stuff left for me ... I had three gifts sitting on my stoop as well, dropped off from friends I didn't expect. It was perfect timing. Ben couldn't have brought the stuff on a better day for me ...
Anyway ... today's gift giving goes to my little friends. I love kids. And I have been thinking about kids and how I don't have any a lot lately. Sometimes it makes me sad. But then I have to remind myself that I have lots of children in my life. I'm lucky that I have three little friends in town -- children of co-workers -- that let me hang out with them. So, today I delivered presents to Lucy and Israel's parents so they will have a little gift from me. Elise will get hers when we hang out next weekend.
I also haven't always been so good about setting an intention for my giving for each day, which is something the 29 Gifts folks suggest you do. But feeling kind of glum this morning, I decided that today's intention is "Today I give with hope." I think I need to stay connected to my hope these days.
I'm not sure if I'll be able to blog while I'm home ... but I'll be saving up my stories for next week if I can't get on the computer. Rest assured ... I'm going to keep giving.
Also -- Kat "thiefer face" Gallagher and I were talking last night and she's liking this idea of the 29 Gifts. But she wants to do something a little different. So, she's planning a new thing that I kind of like too. She's calling it 52 weeks of letters -- an exercise in sending good, old-fashioned snail mail to people. She wants to do a different person each week. I think this is a good idea too so I'm contemplating adding it to my list of goals for 2010. I'm going try to come up with a list of people that I'd like to write to and see where it goes. I'm not sure I want to do 52 different people, but that might be an interesting part of the challenge. Anyone else interested in seeing if we could do this?
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Day 10 -- gifts everywhere
Just wanted to say a short thing about yesterday's giving challenge. I was feeling like a cheater-face because of Christmas and having a stash of gifts to deliver over the next few days. But then I realized that even when you have expected gifts, there are opportunities to give some unexpected things.
I was having lunch with my fire department friend and source. I had a plate of cookies for him. (I also took some to my police friends too so I wasn't playing favorites.) But as we were talking, he told me that he was going to go shopping for a couple of kids that he'd learned about who were too old to qualify for the Angel Tree program. Their mom had called seeking some help. He'd done a little research and was heading out to do some shopping. I gave gifts and clothes for two Angels this year, but it was a good reminder that there are lots of people in need. So, inspired, I gave him $20 to use toward his shopping. That was a thought I might not have had if I hadn't been thinking in the 29 Gifts mindset lately.
So, on to today -- I have a gift waiting in the car to give at our girls night gift exchange. I'm super excited to give my gift to Heidi. Hers was the first gift I bought this season -- way back in September while in Chicago at a craft fair. (actually the coolest craft fair I've ever been too.) It just screamed her name. I couldn't resist.
But I had another one of those unexpected moments today. Co-workers and I went to lunch and one of them forgot to pay for a cup of soup as we divvied up the bill, so I just put it on my check. No fuss. No telling him about it. Just an extra gift for today's challenge. : )
Can't wait to finish up work tomorrow afternoon. I've been super busy here -- two stories and a blog today and I'm so stressed that the entire left side of my neck has decided to revolt and tighten up into a giant painful knot. I've tried yoga poses, stretches, tennis ball on the trigger point and drugs to no avail. I'm hoping it goes away soon.
I was having lunch with my fire department friend and source. I had a plate of cookies for him. (I also took some to my police friends too so I wasn't playing favorites.) But as we were talking, he told me that he was going to go shopping for a couple of kids that he'd learned about who were too old to qualify for the Angel Tree program. Their mom had called seeking some help. He'd done a little research and was heading out to do some shopping. I gave gifts and clothes for two Angels this year, but it was a good reminder that there are lots of people in need. So, inspired, I gave him $20 to use toward his shopping. That was a thought I might not have had if I hadn't been thinking in the 29 Gifts mindset lately.
So, on to today -- I have a gift waiting in the car to give at our girls night gift exchange. I'm super excited to give my gift to Heidi. Hers was the first gift I bought this season -- way back in September while in Chicago at a craft fair. (actually the coolest craft fair I've ever been too.) It just screamed her name. I couldn't resist.
But I had another one of those unexpected moments today. Co-workers and I went to lunch and one of them forgot to pay for a cup of soup as we divvied up the bill, so I just put it on my check. No fuss. No telling him about it. Just an extra gift for today's challenge. : )
Can't wait to finish up work tomorrow afternoon. I've been super busy here -- two stories and a blog today and I'm so stressed that the entire left side of my neck has decided to revolt and tighten up into a giant painful knot. I've tried yoga poses, stretches, tennis ball on the trigger point and drugs to no avail. I'm hoping it goes away soon.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Giving, giving, giving
So, with the holiday rush in full swing I haven't had a lot of spare time for blogging. So, while it's quiet this morning I'm going take a few minutes to hammer out the updates from the past few days of giving.
Friday was Day 6 of the 29gifts challenge. I had a couple ideas but a wonderful opportunity came for me as I covered an assignment. I'd gone out to the site of a horrible crash that happened on Dec. 18, 2008 where four teens were killed when a teen they were getting a ride home from ran from police because the car he was in was stolen, lost control and slammed into a tree. All four of the boys -- twins Demar and Jemar and their brother Marc, and their friend Aaron -- were all killed. The driver now is awaiting trial on four counts of murder.
Over this past year, I've thought about these boys often. They were true victims. I covered their funerals. I've spoken with their parents many times. But Aaron's mother, Robin, always leaves a mark on my heart when I speak to her. At the memorial on Friday, she bent over and hugged the tree where the crash occurred and now a wreath with her son's picture on it sits. Aaron's twin, Andrew, went to school to honor their memories.
After the memorial, Robin was in no shape to talk to anyone. But I had to give her a hug. She grabbed me so hard and sobbed into my shoulder. All I could do was tell her that she was in my thoughts and prayers.
Some may say that as a reporter that's not my place or my job to give any comfort. But first of all, I'm a human being and these stories touch people. And they can't help but touch me as well. I've never believed it was unprofessional to share a hug if that's what feels right. So, Friday, my gift was a hug.
Saturday -- Day 7. I was going to meet up with my running partners to get in a little exercise and companionship. But a cold rain kept us from our run and forced us into a cozy coffee shop. Denise and Maggie have been with me through a lot in the past few months. They were the ones who scooped me up off the asphalt when I went splat. And they've been there to pick me up off the emotional asphalt as my personal life has been going splat quite a bit lately.
I made each of the girls -- and Michelle too -- scrap books with some of our running photos in it. Just reminding them what we've been through and giving us some inspiration for the future. In fact, both of them are thinking about joining me in my leukemia fundraising to make the trip to San Diego. You can't order up friends better than that.
Sunday -- Day 8. Christmas has made it a little easier to give gifts. And I've wondered if I'm cheating by doing this during the holidays. But I've decided I'm not. In fact, I've given more gifts than I've written about but have tried to pick the ones I've been giving with no sense that there would be something in return. I'm trying not to write just about those gifts given where I know I'm getting something back. And I'm trying to focus on the meaning behind the gifts ...
On Sunday, I was able to give gifts to the Lusters and my friend Sara. The Lusters are like family to me now and I was able to give them their presents as Linda and I spent the day baking cookies -- something I wasn't feeling strong enough emotionally to do by myself this year. It was a good day.
Today -- Day 9. I have said cookies in the car ready to take to a few people. Meeting up with a friend from the fire department for lunch to hand off my gift to him for all he does to help me all year.
The mad rush toward Christmas continues ...
Friday was Day 6 of the 29gifts challenge. I had a couple ideas but a wonderful opportunity came for me as I covered an assignment. I'd gone out to the site of a horrible crash that happened on Dec. 18, 2008 where four teens were killed when a teen they were getting a ride home from ran from police because the car he was in was stolen, lost control and slammed into a tree. All four of the boys -- twins Demar and Jemar and their brother Marc, and their friend Aaron -- were all killed. The driver now is awaiting trial on four counts of murder.
Over this past year, I've thought about these boys often. They were true victims. I covered their funerals. I've spoken with their parents many times. But Aaron's mother, Robin, always leaves a mark on my heart when I speak to her. At the memorial on Friday, she bent over and hugged the tree where the crash occurred and now a wreath with her son's picture on it sits. Aaron's twin, Andrew, went to school to honor their memories.
After the memorial, Robin was in no shape to talk to anyone. But I had to give her a hug. She grabbed me so hard and sobbed into my shoulder. All I could do was tell her that she was in my thoughts and prayers.
Some may say that as a reporter that's not my place or my job to give any comfort. But first of all, I'm a human being and these stories touch people. And they can't help but touch me as well. I've never believed it was unprofessional to share a hug if that's what feels right. So, Friday, my gift was a hug.
Saturday -- Day 7. I was going to meet up with my running partners to get in a little exercise and companionship. But a cold rain kept us from our run and forced us into a cozy coffee shop. Denise and Maggie have been with me through a lot in the past few months. They were the ones who scooped me up off the asphalt when I went splat. And they've been there to pick me up off the emotional asphalt as my personal life has been going splat quite a bit lately.
I made each of the girls -- and Michelle too -- scrap books with some of our running photos in it. Just reminding them what we've been through and giving us some inspiration for the future. In fact, both of them are thinking about joining me in my leukemia fundraising to make the trip to San Diego. You can't order up friends better than that.
Sunday -- Day 8. Christmas has made it a little easier to give gifts. And I've wondered if I'm cheating by doing this during the holidays. But I've decided I'm not. In fact, I've given more gifts than I've written about but have tried to pick the ones I've been giving with no sense that there would be something in return. I'm trying not to write just about those gifts given where I know I'm getting something back. And I'm trying to focus on the meaning behind the gifts ...
On Sunday, I was able to give gifts to the Lusters and my friend Sara. The Lusters are like family to me now and I was able to give them their presents as Linda and I spent the day baking cookies -- something I wasn't feeling strong enough emotionally to do by myself this year. It was a good day.
Today -- Day 9. I have said cookies in the car ready to take to a few people. Meeting up with a friend from the fire department for lunch to hand off my gift to him for all he does to help me all year.
The mad rush toward Christmas continues ...
Thursday, December 17, 2009
In search of a gift ...
Day 4 of the giving challenge was a little hectic. I spent all day running around for stories and was battling a bunch of my sadness, trying to keep it from overflowing.
I have a ton of work to do. And I have a ton to do to get ready to go home next week. Presents need to be wrapped and packed. Presents need to be bought (though I think I'm pretty close to being done with that actually.) I'm trying to find the holiday spirit but not always doing so well. This morning, in fact, I've already snapped at several people after finding my police scanner exploded because people can't just leave my stuff on the desk. Breathe.
Anyway, I looked around all day thinking I would find someone to gift too ... but didn't have anything good present itself. A friend had given me a page from the latest Glamour that listed several ways to give this holiday season. So, about 10 p.m. (cutting it a little close) I got online to make a $10 donation to Feeding America. That $10 will provide 20 bags of groceries to needy families this season. They are trying to provide 3.3 million bags. Yikes!!! But it makes me feel good that I could help out. In fact, every time I've been able to give a gift, it does really give me a sense of peace in my own rocky world.
Check out the link for Feeding America http://feedingamerica.org/default.aspx
Went to a meeting last night where there was a lot of talk about gratitude. People have been telling me pretty frequently that I need to get angry and then I would feel better. But that path doesn't seem right to me. I don't want to be angry. I want to be happy and at peace. I know I'm going to be sad for awhile and that rocky times are still ahead with my dad's illness. But I want to be grateful, not angry.
So, today I'm going to try to remember what I have to be grateful for. I even had this thought this morning that a month after the breakup (today) that I'm grateful for this chance to learn more about myself. I actually feel thankful that this has opened up a space for me to look into what I need and what makes me happy. That's a gift in and of itself.
For today's Day 5 gift, I have some holiday presents for my bowling team members. Tonight is our last night bowling before the holidays. I've been in a bit of a slump this season -- bowling my worst ever -- so I'm hoping that will turn around tonight and get better as we start the second half of the season.
I have a ton of work to do. And I have a ton to do to get ready to go home next week. Presents need to be wrapped and packed. Presents need to be bought (though I think I'm pretty close to being done with that actually.) I'm trying to find the holiday spirit but not always doing so well. This morning, in fact, I've already snapped at several people after finding my police scanner exploded because people can't just leave my stuff on the desk. Breathe.
Anyway, I looked around all day thinking I would find someone to gift too ... but didn't have anything good present itself. A friend had given me a page from the latest Glamour that listed several ways to give this holiday season. So, about 10 p.m. (cutting it a little close) I got online to make a $10 donation to Feeding America. That $10 will provide 20 bags of groceries to needy families this season. They are trying to provide 3.3 million bags. Yikes!!! But it makes me feel good that I could help out. In fact, every time I've been able to give a gift, it does really give me a sense of peace in my own rocky world.
Check out the link for Feeding America http://feedingamerica.org/default.aspx
Went to a meeting last night where there was a lot of talk about gratitude. People have been telling me pretty frequently that I need to get angry and then I would feel better. But that path doesn't seem right to me. I don't want to be angry. I want to be happy and at peace. I know I'm going to be sad for awhile and that rocky times are still ahead with my dad's illness. But I want to be grateful, not angry.
So, today I'm going to try to remember what I have to be grateful for. I even had this thought this morning that a month after the breakup (today) that I'm grateful for this chance to learn more about myself. I actually feel thankful that this has opened up a space for me to look into what I need and what makes me happy. That's a gift in and of itself.
For today's Day 5 gift, I have some holiday presents for my bowling team members. Tonight is our last night bowling before the holidays. I've been in a bit of a slump this season -- bowling my worst ever -- so I'm hoping that will turn around tonight and get better as we start the second half of the season.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Day 3 -- Today I give with love
I love kids. And lately I've been having a lot of baby dreams and spent a whole week with Maria's new son, Press. Who is about the cutest little nephew I could ask for -- of course, Corey's sons are also cute nephews.
Anyway, today's gift goes to my niece Alaina. Sometimes I wish I lived a lot closer to home so I could see her more often. When she came to visit me last summer we got started on trying to make funny band names. She and I discovered we have a lot of the same tastes -- we love cupcakes, think the same things are funny and generally love on each other a ton. We ended up proclaiming ourselves the "Frankensteins of Awesomeness" because she said we seem to share a brain. : )
So, I saw a cute little holiday shirt while I was out shopping and immediately thought of her. I didn't want to wait to give it to her next week when I'm home so I dropped it in the mail today. Gift #3.
I'm finding that this process is helping me. I'm not saying I'm over my sadness over the break up or the other challenges life has handed me recently. But giving to others does have a way of lightening up my spirit. Some days are better than others, but I think in general I'm moving in the right direction.
Anyway, today's gift goes to my niece Alaina. Sometimes I wish I lived a lot closer to home so I could see her more often. When she came to visit me last summer we got started on trying to make funny band names. She and I discovered we have a lot of the same tastes -- we love cupcakes, think the same things are funny and generally love on each other a ton. We ended up proclaiming ourselves the "Frankensteins of Awesomeness" because she said we seem to share a brain. : )
So, I saw a cute little holiday shirt while I was out shopping and immediately thought of her. I didn't want to wait to give it to her next week when I'm home so I dropped it in the mail today. Gift #3.
I'm finding that this process is helping me. I'm not saying I'm over my sadness over the break up or the other challenges life has handed me recently. But giving to others does have a way of lightening up my spirit. Some days are better than others, but I think in general I'm moving in the right direction.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Day 2 -- getting into the giving groove
I thought I had a plan for a gift today and then I went downstairs to head out to an assignment and I ran into one of my two friends who sits at the front desk.
I found out that Val's birthday was yesterday. Lately, Val has been a huge support to me as I navigate my heartbreak. She helped out with the Angel Tree giving and just generally makes me smile when I walk through the door.
So after getting a little pointed with some questions at a press conference, I made a stop at the flower shop down the street. I found a great little bouquet with roses and Christmas pine cones and evergreen. It was really great to bring Val some flowers as she is usually the one calling everyone else when these deliveries come for others. The smile on her face was all I needed.
It felt so good. And aside from being crazy busy and writing three stories today, I think I've overall had a better day. May try to hit the gym on the way home ....
I found out that Val's birthday was yesterday. Lately, Val has been a huge support to me as I navigate my heartbreak. She helped out with the Angel Tree giving and just generally makes me smile when I walk through the door.
So after getting a little pointed with some questions at a press conference, I made a stop at the flower shop down the street. I found a great little bouquet with roses and Christmas pine cones and evergreen. It was really great to bring Val some flowers as she is usually the one calling everyone else when these deliveries come for others. The smile on her face was all I needed.
It felt so good. And aside from being crazy busy and writing three stories today, I think I've overall had a better day. May try to hit the gym on the way home ....
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Hidden gems
Healing isn't a fast process. I wish it could be.
But one thing is for sure, a baby can put a smile on my face like no one else. Spending a week with Maria and Press in New Orleans was just the break I needed. The baby loved on me unconditionally. Maria needed my help. And it was great to be needed.
Sadness is still a common emotion but I'm doing everything I can to work through it.
I've found a couple ways to do that I think.
First, I'm going to start training for a new marathon. This time I'm going to run with TEAM in Training and raise money for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. I'm aiming for the San Diego marathon on June 6. Anyone want to donate, let me know and I'll tell you how. I have to raise $2,900.
Second, I'm going to try something out of a book I just read called "29 Gifts: How a month of giving can change your life." The idea is that if you give freely, with intent, that you will be open to the riches around you. I consider myself a pretty open and giving person most of the time, but I don't think I make a real conscious effort to give every day. This book has inspired me to give it a try. The gifts don't have to be big or material even -- can be a phone call or a letter. Just given freely, without expectation and with intent.
So, I tried to start it today. I was at Michael's getting some crafting supplies for a couple of Christmas projects I need to finish. The lines were ridiculously long and of course, very few clerks. The lady behind me, laden with tacky glue and glitter, was getting huffy. She was not practicing being in the moment.
A clerk came up to an open register and motioned to me to come over and he would check me out. My gift for today was to let the huffy lady go first. I made a conscious choice that that could be a gift, even though I was pretty annoyed by all the waiting myself. Of course, being as huffy as she was, there was no thank you or anything. But that was ok. Because I actually felt really good about the gesture. Small gesture as it was. And I debated for awhile tonight on whether I should count that as my first gift. But I decided I should because this whole thing is not about the cost or the grandness of the gift, but the act of doing things for others.
So, I've started. Anyone want to join me and try it out? Want more information about the idea? Go to www.29gifts.org -- or grab the book at the nearest bookstore. It's out everywhere for the holidays.
Just keep me in mind and keep sending the good karma my way. The way I see it, if I can send some good karma out into the universe, some is bound to come back, right?
And I want to share this gem I picked up at an assignment tonight. I was at a memorial for children who have died and it was seriously sad -- just what I need. But I heard this quote while I was there and it meant a lot to me. So I share it with you.
"The world breaks us all. Afterward, some are stronger in the broken places." -- Hemingway.
But one thing is for sure, a baby can put a smile on my face like no one else. Spending a week with Maria and Press in New Orleans was just the break I needed. The baby loved on me unconditionally. Maria needed my help. And it was great to be needed.
Sadness is still a common emotion but I'm doing everything I can to work through it.
I've found a couple ways to do that I think.
First, I'm going to start training for a new marathon. This time I'm going to run with TEAM in Training and raise money for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. I'm aiming for the San Diego marathon on June 6. Anyone want to donate, let me know and I'll tell you how. I have to raise $2,900.
Second, I'm going to try something out of a book I just read called "29 Gifts: How a month of giving can change your life." The idea is that if you give freely, with intent, that you will be open to the riches around you. I consider myself a pretty open and giving person most of the time, but I don't think I make a real conscious effort to give every day. This book has inspired me to give it a try. The gifts don't have to be big or material even -- can be a phone call or a letter. Just given freely, without expectation and with intent.
So, I tried to start it today. I was at Michael's getting some crafting supplies for a couple of Christmas projects I need to finish. The lines were ridiculously long and of course, very few clerks. The lady behind me, laden with tacky glue and glitter, was getting huffy. She was not practicing being in the moment.
A clerk came up to an open register and motioned to me to come over and he would check me out. My gift for today was to let the huffy lady go first. I made a conscious choice that that could be a gift, even though I was pretty annoyed by all the waiting myself. Of course, being as huffy as she was, there was no thank you or anything. But that was ok. Because I actually felt really good about the gesture. Small gesture as it was. And I debated for awhile tonight on whether I should count that as my first gift. But I decided I should because this whole thing is not about the cost or the grandness of the gift, but the act of doing things for others.
So, I've started. Anyone want to join me and try it out? Want more information about the idea? Go to www.29gifts.org -- or grab the book at the nearest bookstore. It's out everywhere for the holidays.
Just keep me in mind and keep sending the good karma my way. The way I see it, if I can send some good karma out into the universe, some is bound to come back, right?
And I want to share this gem I picked up at an assignment tonight. I was at a memorial for children who have died and it was seriously sad -- just what I need. But I heard this quote while I was there and it meant a lot to me. So I share it with you.
"The world breaks us all. Afterward, some are stronger in the broken places." -- Hemingway.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
One day at a time
Don't have a lot of time for a blog entry today but I'm trying to get back in the routine of writing so here it goes. The rollercoaster of my life continues to move forward but I feel like I've been coping with it a little better the last couple days.
I'm trying to put the focus back on myself. Yes, I'm terribly sad and disappointed that the bf has bailed out of my life. But this was his choice. Not mine. Doesn't mean I love him less, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I'm not so good in those situations that I can't control. But I'm starting to do some things that I should have been doing for myself all along.
I'm a pretty well-adjusted, self-aware person. But sometimes I don't take the time I need to make sure I'm doing things to care for myself. I'm trying to do that now.
It's frustrating when all of a sudden you are faced with an entire week off and you have absolutely no idea how to spend it. I keep thinking about the trips the bf and I were planning and missing that opportunity. I'm kind of paralyzed by picking a week to take off. I think I'm just going to pick one and hope for the best and I'll worry about what to do with it after Christmas.
But mostly, I'm just trying to do things that make me stronger. I went to a meeting last night and picked up a couple gems from it. That's a good thing. I need to keep asking myself "is it worth it?" when it comes to arguing or putting up a fight about something. I think I've gotten out of that habit. I'm continuing to remind myself how blessed I am with good friends and family who are standing by me and making sure I'm doing things for myself. And instead of trying to figure out all the reasons that things didn't work out, I just have to focus on what I'm learning and have already learned from the experience.
It's a good time for growth. Someday I'm sure it won't feel so exhausting to have been through this ... and I'll know what the gem of this whole experience has been.
NOTE on my dad: He had to have his gall bladder removed this morning, but he came through the surgery ok (based on my sister's report). So, we're hoping he can go home this weekend sometime. It will be nice for him to get home and stay there through Christmas. Fingers crossed.
I'm trying to put the focus back on myself. Yes, I'm terribly sad and disappointed that the bf has bailed out of my life. But this was his choice. Not mine. Doesn't mean I love him less, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I'm not so good in those situations that I can't control. But I'm starting to do some things that I should have been doing for myself all along.
I'm a pretty well-adjusted, self-aware person. But sometimes I don't take the time I need to make sure I'm doing things to care for myself. I'm trying to do that now.
It's frustrating when all of a sudden you are faced with an entire week off and you have absolutely no idea how to spend it. I keep thinking about the trips the bf and I were planning and missing that opportunity. I'm kind of paralyzed by picking a week to take off. I think I'm just going to pick one and hope for the best and I'll worry about what to do with it after Christmas.
But mostly, I'm just trying to do things that make me stronger. I went to a meeting last night and picked up a couple gems from it. That's a good thing. I need to keep asking myself "is it worth it?" when it comes to arguing or putting up a fight about something. I think I've gotten out of that habit. I'm continuing to remind myself how blessed I am with good friends and family who are standing by me and making sure I'm doing things for myself. And instead of trying to figure out all the reasons that things didn't work out, I just have to focus on what I'm learning and have already learned from the experience.
It's a good time for growth. Someday I'm sure it won't feel so exhausting to have been through this ... and I'll know what the gem of this whole experience has been.
NOTE on my dad: He had to have his gall bladder removed this morning, but he came through the surgery ok (based on my sister's report). So, we're hoping he can go home this weekend sometime. It will be nice for him to get home and stay there through Christmas. Fingers crossed.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Rollercoasters and Jessie don't mix
If you know me at all, you know that I'm not a fan of rollercoasters. I will spend all day at an amusement park happily walking around watching the people, eating soft pretzels and watching my family ride. But I'm not getting on one. I tried the Rugrats one at King's Island a couple summers ago and that was too much for me ... yes, the kiddie coaster.
So, right now I'm not too happy that my life feels like a giant rollercoaster. It's been a constant series of ups and downs over the past month. I guess I'm realizing that it's probably just the way life is.
I've spent a lot of my life, dreading the climb to the top of the coaster because I know on the other end comes the fall. I don't deal so well with the fall. It's been a constant in my life. With the ups, come the downs. And I'm always waiting for the downs.
And I'm no doubt in a down right now.
But here's what I'm doing about it -- I'm trying to take it in stride. I'm trying to enjoy the ride as much as possible. And when I have to cry I do. But mostly I'm just trying to ride it out.
Today I got an incredible high. My dad is going home from the hospital for the first time in over a month. And they don't expect he'll have to go back for another dose of chemo until after Christmas. So, without any further complications, he should be home for the holiday. I'm very happy for him about that.
And while I was on the phone with him, I was able to tell him that I'm doing something too -- I'm going to join Team in Training and instead of raising money for breast cancer research this year, I'm going to raise some money for leukemia research. I'll be doing it for the mini-marathon. And all that training will coincide with his chemo treatments. It's really the only thing I can think of to do proactively. I believe very strongly in karma and putting the good vibes out to the universe -- so that's what I'm going to do. And I feel so good about this decision.
People say don't make any major life decisions when life is throwing you curve balls. But I don't sit around well, so I'm starting to take some steps to get myself back in the swing of things. The Christmas decorations came up and I'm transforming my house into the holiday spirit. I'm headed to New Orleans for a week to meet Press and spend time with Maria. I'm exploring some new options that could be really exciting and enriching. I'm setting myself up to write some more for myself.
Maybe I'm just trying to stay too busy ... that may be partly true. But I'm better when I'm busy and not wallowing. I'm stronger than I know-- I just have to prove it to myself again.
I'm trying to love life's rollercoaster -- but still don't expect me to get on the Diamondback or the Beast.
UPDATE:
To add to this rollercoaster, my dad didn't end up going home yesterday. They want to keep an eye on a couple of other things going on for a bit. I'm telling you ... I want off. I don't like the constant changes going on in my life right now. Makes it harder to just go along for the ride.
So, right now I'm not too happy that my life feels like a giant rollercoaster. It's been a constant series of ups and downs over the past month. I guess I'm realizing that it's probably just the way life is.
I've spent a lot of my life, dreading the climb to the top of the coaster because I know on the other end comes the fall. I don't deal so well with the fall. It's been a constant in my life. With the ups, come the downs. And I'm always waiting for the downs.
And I'm no doubt in a down right now.
But here's what I'm doing about it -- I'm trying to take it in stride. I'm trying to enjoy the ride as much as possible. And when I have to cry I do. But mostly I'm just trying to ride it out.
Today I got an incredible high. My dad is going home from the hospital for the first time in over a month. And they don't expect he'll have to go back for another dose of chemo until after Christmas. So, without any further complications, he should be home for the holiday. I'm very happy for him about that.
And while I was on the phone with him, I was able to tell him that I'm doing something too -- I'm going to join Team in Training and instead of raising money for breast cancer research this year, I'm going to raise some money for leukemia research. I'll be doing it for the mini-marathon. And all that training will coincide with his chemo treatments. It's really the only thing I can think of to do proactively. I believe very strongly in karma and putting the good vibes out to the universe -- so that's what I'm going to do. And I feel so good about this decision.
People say don't make any major life decisions when life is throwing you curve balls. But I don't sit around well, so I'm starting to take some steps to get myself back in the swing of things. The Christmas decorations came up and I'm transforming my house into the holiday spirit. I'm headed to New Orleans for a week to meet Press and spend time with Maria. I'm exploring some new options that could be really exciting and enriching. I'm setting myself up to write some more for myself.
Maybe I'm just trying to stay too busy ... that may be partly true. But I'm better when I'm busy and not wallowing. I'm stronger than I know-- I just have to prove it to myself again.
I'm trying to love life's rollercoaster -- but still don't expect me to get on the Diamondback or the Beast.
UPDATE:
To add to this rollercoaster, my dad didn't end up going home yesterday. They want to keep an eye on a couple of other things going on for a bit. I'm telling you ... I want off. I don't like the constant changes going on in my life right now. Makes it harder to just go along for the ride.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Heartbreak Hotel
So, the bf decided that it was time we broke up. That has made for a pretty long week and lots of tears. Thanksgiving -- despite the efforts of good friends who invited me to two events -- was pretty miserable as I kept thinking about the dinner I had planned to cook with his family. And being away from my family with my dad in the hospital -- possibly with pneumonia added to all his troubles -- didn't help things either.
It's a hard thing when you realize you love someone more than you actually realized. And when with that realization also comes the recognition that you didn't always treat that person the way you wanted to, that's especially hard. Let's be clear here ...I'm not blaming myself or beating myself up about it, most of the time anyway. I know I'm a pretty amazing woman who has a big heart and a lot to offer. I also know the same thing about the bf. I know this is not about me. This is about fear ... This is about not knowing how to put our life baggage aside and just enjoy each other and work through the struggles.
I have life baggage and I bet I'm not the only one. The funny thing about these times of heartbreak is that you learn a lot about yourself -- and a lot of it I think would have been helpful in not getting me to this point if I'd taken the time to think about this before. I know that I'm not always the easiest person to love. I know that I can be bossy and controlling and I am never short of opinions. I make snap decisions -- that's a necessary skill in my business, but not always a benefit in life. But I also know that I'm supportive and encouraging to my mate. I try to think about their needs, even when sometimes my needs are great.
I know things weren't perfect. I know there were things to work out. But I also know that this person brought many riches to my life. He made me feel, for the first time, like many things are possible for me -- book writing, a relationship in which the man sometimes does things for you without you asking for them, thoughtful presents and moments of calm, and not asking me to be something I'm not. Those things weren't present in most of my previous relationships and despite the rocky periods, they were present here.
And what I know for myself is that I want someone who can let me into his life. Someone who has confidence in himself enough to know that when I'm snappy or having a bad day, it is not personal to him. Someone who sees the same potential in himself that I see and who appreciates the encouragement I give him to succeed.
It's a sad thing to love someone and know that person still loves you, but that you aren't going to be together. It's a hole in my heart right now as I feel like the person I leaned on the most and spent the most time with over the past 8 months has been ripped from my life at a time when I'm trying to pull my friends close so that I can get through some of life's most difficult challenges.
But it's a powerful feeling to know that if I let myself cry and I give myself permission to change and grow from this, that I can be an even better partner in my next relationship. I'm disappointed ... madly, profoundly disappointed and sad. But I still want to believe in love.
And I believe strongly that everything happens for a reason. And if this man was the person for me than life will find away to bring us back together and make us stronger. But if not, and I have to assume not in order to move on, than I will be stronger still.
I spent a lot of time on Thanksgiving feeling sorry for myself and struggling to find reasons to be thankful. But as I sit here early this morning I know that I am grateful and lucky to have amazing friends and family. My family is going through a rough patch, but as I told my dad yesterday, we will get through it together.
Somehow when you are sitting at the pits of your emotions -- afraid to be at home alone, crying hysterically -- life has a way of throwing you an anchor. I could barely get up and get myself to work this morning ... but when I got here a co-worker (one I don't see much and never go out with socially) left me a tin of brownies and a wonderful note of understanding my pain. That is a reminder -- a much needed one -- that I'm lucky and loved and if the bf doesn't want that in his life, I'm probably better off. But it still stings.
It's a hard thing when you realize you love someone more than you actually realized. And when with that realization also comes the recognition that you didn't always treat that person the way you wanted to, that's especially hard. Let's be clear here ...I'm not blaming myself or beating myself up about it, most of the time anyway. I know I'm a pretty amazing woman who has a big heart and a lot to offer. I also know the same thing about the bf. I know this is not about me. This is about fear ... This is about not knowing how to put our life baggage aside and just enjoy each other and work through the struggles.
I have life baggage and I bet I'm not the only one. The funny thing about these times of heartbreak is that you learn a lot about yourself -- and a lot of it I think would have been helpful in not getting me to this point if I'd taken the time to think about this before. I know that I'm not always the easiest person to love. I know that I can be bossy and controlling and I am never short of opinions. I make snap decisions -- that's a necessary skill in my business, but not always a benefit in life. But I also know that I'm supportive and encouraging to my mate. I try to think about their needs, even when sometimes my needs are great.
I know things weren't perfect. I know there were things to work out. But I also know that this person brought many riches to my life. He made me feel, for the first time, like many things are possible for me -- book writing, a relationship in which the man sometimes does things for you without you asking for them, thoughtful presents and moments of calm, and not asking me to be something I'm not. Those things weren't present in most of my previous relationships and despite the rocky periods, they were present here.
And what I know for myself is that I want someone who can let me into his life. Someone who has confidence in himself enough to know that when I'm snappy or having a bad day, it is not personal to him. Someone who sees the same potential in himself that I see and who appreciates the encouragement I give him to succeed.
It's a sad thing to love someone and know that person still loves you, but that you aren't going to be together. It's a hole in my heart right now as I feel like the person I leaned on the most and spent the most time with over the past 8 months has been ripped from my life at a time when I'm trying to pull my friends close so that I can get through some of life's most difficult challenges.
But it's a powerful feeling to know that if I let myself cry and I give myself permission to change and grow from this, that I can be an even better partner in my next relationship. I'm disappointed ... madly, profoundly disappointed and sad. But I still want to believe in love.
And I believe strongly that everything happens for a reason. And if this man was the person for me than life will find away to bring us back together and make us stronger. But if not, and I have to assume not in order to move on, than I will be stronger still.
I spent a lot of time on Thanksgiving feeling sorry for myself and struggling to find reasons to be thankful. But as I sit here early this morning I know that I am grateful and lucky to have amazing friends and family. My family is going through a rough patch, but as I told my dad yesterday, we will get through it together.
Somehow when you are sitting at the pits of your emotions -- afraid to be at home alone, crying hysterically -- life has a way of throwing you an anchor. I could barely get up and get myself to work this morning ... but when I got here a co-worker (one I don't see much and never go out with socially) left me a tin of brownies and a wonderful note of understanding my pain. That is a reminder -- a much needed one -- that I'm lucky and loved and if the bf doesn't want that in his life, I'm probably better off. But it still stings.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Where have you been all my life?
So, I started training for a marathon at the end of June ... and then I disappeared.
I guess that means I owe everyone an apology for vanishing from the blogging world. It's been a wild ride since I decided I wanted to become a runner, of sorts.
Here's a short recap of the past few months.
Love the run/walk interval. It's amazing how you get the cardio boost but your recovery is amazingly fast. I've never felt so good after a marathon as I have after doing the interval training -- remember, I'd walked 7 marathons as part of my breast cancer awareness fundraising.
But the training wasn't without its difficulties. Getting up early is no picnic. I took some grief for the early hours from the bf. And fell asleep on the couch more than once as a result. I ate the asphalt one morning, as a pesky bolt in the road reached up and grabbed me and sent me doing the perfect slide into home plate (only there was no home plate.) Fortunately, the injuries were pretty minor and I could wave off the ambulance that came for me.
And the training (mostly the downhills) took a toll on my knee -- sending me to a chiropractor who takes a lot of joy in inflicting a pain on my muscles that I hope none of you have to experience. I call it getting scraped and taped. Not fun ... if you really want to know what I'm talking about look up Graston technique.
But when the morning of the marathon came in San Francisco, I was ready to make the best of it. I had a blast. The first half was a little rough as I had to force myself to walk the downhills -- and almost an entire mile was downhill. I watched the six hour pace setter pass me up ... really discouraging me mentally. But I kept on going and eventually caught up to her again. And somehow, despite a few pains between miles 10 and 14, I got pain free for most of the second half. And then it was just a matter of finishing. The iPod went caput at mile 19 -- so I was glad that I had run all those times without music but I really wished Maggie and Denise were there to talk to.
There is no feeling like seeing the ocean to the side of you and then heading for the finish line. Tons of people cheering and then hearing your friends yell out your name ... Kat on one side, Cayce and Jonathan on the other. It was fantastic. And then a firefighter in a tux (a hot one) gave me that beautiful blue Tiffany's box with my precious necklace inside it. Ahhh! Success!!!
And honestly, despite being tired, hungry and a little stiff --- I was already thinking about the next one. I'm thinking Chicago -- 10/10/10 --- Anyone want to join me?
Other than that, work has been a whirlwind too. I've had a lot of great stories -- managing to keep myself on the front page with regularity. I'm trying to keep it that way, but also manage the constant, never lessening demands.
And I'm trying to be grateful for everything I have. That became even more important last week when I learned that my dad has been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. He's on Day 7 of his chemo treatments and says he's feeling ok so far ... He'll get a week of rest and then we'll figure out what's next. It's been very sudden and a lot to absorb. It's hard to be so far away from everyone in Detroit, but I'm headed home this week to see him for a couple days. We can all use a few good wishes, karmic vibes or prayers -- which ever you prefer -- just keep them coming. I'm not sure I can blog much about it because it's hard to get down in words, even for me, but I wanted to let folks know. Thanks already for your support with this.
That's a lot for a first blog in months but a lot has happened and I tried to keep it to the basics.
Love y'all and I'll try to keep the posts more frequent.
Jess
I guess that means I owe everyone an apology for vanishing from the blogging world. It's been a wild ride since I decided I wanted to become a runner, of sorts.
Here's a short recap of the past few months.
Love the run/walk interval. It's amazing how you get the cardio boost but your recovery is amazingly fast. I've never felt so good after a marathon as I have after doing the interval training -- remember, I'd walked 7 marathons as part of my breast cancer awareness fundraising.
But the training wasn't without its difficulties. Getting up early is no picnic. I took some grief for the early hours from the bf. And fell asleep on the couch more than once as a result. I ate the asphalt one morning, as a pesky bolt in the road reached up and grabbed me and sent me doing the perfect slide into home plate (only there was no home plate.) Fortunately, the injuries were pretty minor and I could wave off the ambulance that came for me.
And the training (mostly the downhills) took a toll on my knee -- sending me to a chiropractor who takes a lot of joy in inflicting a pain on my muscles that I hope none of you have to experience. I call it getting scraped and taped. Not fun ... if you really want to know what I'm talking about look up Graston technique.
But when the morning of the marathon came in San Francisco, I was ready to make the best of it. I had a blast. The first half was a little rough as I had to force myself to walk the downhills -- and almost an entire mile was downhill. I watched the six hour pace setter pass me up ... really discouraging me mentally. But I kept on going and eventually caught up to her again. And somehow, despite a few pains between miles 10 and 14, I got pain free for most of the second half. And then it was just a matter of finishing. The iPod went caput at mile 19 -- so I was glad that I had run all those times without music but I really wished Maggie and Denise were there to talk to.
There is no feeling like seeing the ocean to the side of you and then heading for the finish line. Tons of people cheering and then hearing your friends yell out your name ... Kat on one side, Cayce and Jonathan on the other. It was fantastic. And then a firefighter in a tux (a hot one) gave me that beautiful blue Tiffany's box with my precious necklace inside it. Ahhh! Success!!!
And honestly, despite being tired, hungry and a little stiff --- I was already thinking about the next one. I'm thinking Chicago -- 10/10/10 --- Anyone want to join me?
Other than that, work has been a whirlwind too. I've had a lot of great stories -- managing to keep myself on the front page with regularity. I'm trying to keep it that way, but also manage the constant, never lessening demands.
And I'm trying to be grateful for everything I have. That became even more important last week when I learned that my dad has been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. He's on Day 7 of his chemo treatments and says he's feeling ok so far ... He'll get a week of rest and then we'll figure out what's next. It's been very sudden and a lot to absorb. It's hard to be so far away from everyone in Detroit, but I'm headed home this week to see him for a couple days. We can all use a few good wishes, karmic vibes or prayers -- which ever you prefer -- just keep them coming. I'm not sure I can blog much about it because it's hard to get down in words, even for me, but I wanted to let folks know. Thanks already for your support with this.
That's a lot for a first blog in months but a lot has happened and I tried to keep it to the basics.
Love y'all and I'll try to keep the posts more frequent.
Jess
Monday, July 27, 2009
Wanted for neglect
A friend gently reminded me last week that I have been neglecting my blog ... It's true I hate to admit. But someone the extra writing has gotten away from me in the past few weeks as I've been super busy at work -- I wrote four stories here on Friday and just didn't get enough so came in on Saturday for an assignment too. Geesh.
Anyway, I hope to renew my regularly approach to blogging again.
Part of my recent lack of time can be attributed to my marathon training. I think most of you know that I'm planning on doing the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco on Oct. 18. The airplane tickets are bought. The hotel room is already paid for. So, all I have to do now is stay healthy.
You guys know that I've done about 7 other marathons -- in fact six of those have been followed by a half marathon during my breast cancer walks for Avon. I also once did the Shamrock Marathon in Virginia Beach ... finishing in 7 hours. Of course, all those were walking.
For some reason, I thought age 36 would be a good time to start testing the running waters. And I've found a method that really works for me. I'm following the Jeff Galloway theory of run/walking. I do a running interval followed by a walking interval and I love that approach. And it allows for us to work in an extra walk if we need one. Right now we're up to 2 minute intervals but looks like we might try doing our longer runs at a 1 minute interval. (though I'm not sold on that completely)
Anyway, it's a lot of work to be a marthoner. I got up to do three miles this morning ... tomorrow calls for 6. Of course, life doesn't stop for this either so I have to come in to work after I finish that 6 miles. On Saturday, I'm scheduled to do 12 miles and then I'll spend the day trying to keep up with my family. I might try to work in a trip to a Harry Potter movie with my neice and teenage sister just so I can have some built in sitting time. : )
But even though it is a lot of work and I'm not sleeping nearly enough to maintain my sanity and keep up the runs, I love it. I feel a sense of accomplishment everytime I get out there. Four days a week I'm running with my partners Denise and Maggie (who are doing the Louisville marathon) and then I try to get in two days of cross training on the other days. One day of rest -- though last week I went ahead and took two.
And what I realize is that most of this game is mental. I gotta keep my mind on the task at hand instead of thinking about the next big run. Today, I'm freaking out about having to do 6 miles tomorrow morning. It's not that I can't do six, I've done that before, but before work. Really? And then 12 on Saturday? Yikes!!!
I'm also trying to keep the girls I'm going to San Fran with on track as well. We've basically all split up for training here because we all move at different paces. But I'm trying to keep tabs on them ... especially my Polipino friend Kat. She had a rough week last week when it comes to exercise ... and I might have to bring out the big guns this week to whip her back into shape.
So, send out some shouts of encouragement if you have a second. And if you see a Polipino trying to quit along the way ... pull her up and force her back on the path.
Anyway, I hope to renew my regularly approach to blogging again.
Part of my recent lack of time can be attributed to my marathon training. I think most of you know that I'm planning on doing the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco on Oct. 18. The airplane tickets are bought. The hotel room is already paid for. So, all I have to do now is stay healthy.
You guys know that I've done about 7 other marathons -- in fact six of those have been followed by a half marathon during my breast cancer walks for Avon. I also once did the Shamrock Marathon in Virginia Beach ... finishing in 7 hours. Of course, all those were walking.
For some reason, I thought age 36 would be a good time to start testing the running waters. And I've found a method that really works for me. I'm following the Jeff Galloway theory of run/walking. I do a running interval followed by a walking interval and I love that approach. And it allows for us to work in an extra walk if we need one. Right now we're up to 2 minute intervals but looks like we might try doing our longer runs at a 1 minute interval. (though I'm not sold on that completely)
Anyway, it's a lot of work to be a marthoner. I got up to do three miles this morning ... tomorrow calls for 6. Of course, life doesn't stop for this either so I have to come in to work after I finish that 6 miles. On Saturday, I'm scheduled to do 12 miles and then I'll spend the day trying to keep up with my family. I might try to work in a trip to a Harry Potter movie with my neice and teenage sister just so I can have some built in sitting time. : )
But even though it is a lot of work and I'm not sleeping nearly enough to maintain my sanity and keep up the runs, I love it. I feel a sense of accomplishment everytime I get out there. Four days a week I'm running with my partners Denise and Maggie (who are doing the Louisville marathon) and then I try to get in two days of cross training on the other days. One day of rest -- though last week I went ahead and took two.
And what I realize is that most of this game is mental. I gotta keep my mind on the task at hand instead of thinking about the next big run. Today, I'm freaking out about having to do 6 miles tomorrow morning. It's not that I can't do six, I've done that before, but before work. Really? And then 12 on Saturday? Yikes!!!
I'm also trying to keep the girls I'm going to San Fran with on track as well. We've basically all split up for training here because we all move at different paces. But I'm trying to keep tabs on them ... especially my Polipino friend Kat. She had a rough week last week when it comes to exercise ... and I might have to bring out the big guns this week to whip her back into shape.
So, send out some shouts of encouragement if you have a second. And if you see a Polipino trying to quit along the way ... pull her up and force her back on the path.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
I'm a slacker baby ...
It's been awhile since I posted ... I know. Just add it to the list of things that are on my plate lately that are only getting half attention.
Today, I'm feeling a little cranky about things. It seems like no matter what I do, my list keeps growing. It's my own fault though. I keep adding things to the list ... like outings with friends, trips to pick blueberries, movies, etc. Probably what I should do is put myself on lock down and just get some things accomplished. And when I do that it would free up my time to do the fun things I want to ... or would it?
Is there ever a time that you don't have things to do?
Lately, I'm struggling a bit. People at work are super cranky as we wait to hear what the latest third-quarter cut backs will be. We all feel them coming. It's palpable. And we launched a new computer system this week, which really isn't that bad but has a lot more steps than the other one so does take a little more mental energy to deal with. Often it feels like the only conversations I have with people involve some level of complaint. It's exhausting.
I've got a huge list at work and very little of it is stuff that I really want to work on. By the time I get home from whatever I've done in the evening, I'm too tired to work on the things I actually want to be writing for myself.
The BF was a little cranky last night and I had to spend a little while after getting off the phone with him convincing myself that I didn't do anything wrong to put him in whatever mood he was experiencing. It's still a lot easier for me to blame myself for other people's problems.
Basically, I'm overwhelmed. Haven't gotten in the workouts I need. I really wish I could be back at boot camp, but I can't afford it. I need to get myself in check on the spending so that I'm not in deep crap if the job falls through. I want to get off my life for awhile.
But how life really works is that I've vented this out a little bit and now I have to get back to work. That list hasn't gotten any smaller in the five minutes I've taken to write this.
Better get that graphic assigned if I can figure out how to use the system.
Today, I'm feeling a little cranky about things. It seems like no matter what I do, my list keeps growing. It's my own fault though. I keep adding things to the list ... like outings with friends, trips to pick blueberries, movies, etc. Probably what I should do is put myself on lock down and just get some things accomplished. And when I do that it would free up my time to do the fun things I want to ... or would it?
Is there ever a time that you don't have things to do?
Lately, I'm struggling a bit. People at work are super cranky as we wait to hear what the latest third-quarter cut backs will be. We all feel them coming. It's palpable. And we launched a new computer system this week, which really isn't that bad but has a lot more steps than the other one so does take a little more mental energy to deal with. Often it feels like the only conversations I have with people involve some level of complaint. It's exhausting.
I've got a huge list at work and very little of it is stuff that I really want to work on. By the time I get home from whatever I've done in the evening, I'm too tired to work on the things I actually want to be writing for myself.
The BF was a little cranky last night and I had to spend a little while after getting off the phone with him convincing myself that I didn't do anything wrong to put him in whatever mood he was experiencing. It's still a lot easier for me to blame myself for other people's problems.
Basically, I'm overwhelmed. Haven't gotten in the workouts I need. I really wish I could be back at boot camp, but I can't afford it. I need to get myself in check on the spending so that I'm not in deep crap if the job falls through. I want to get off my life for awhile.
But how life really works is that I've vented this out a little bit and now I have to get back to work. That list hasn't gotten any smaller in the five minutes I've taken to write this.
Better get that graphic assigned if I can figure out how to use the system.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Batter up
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball.
When I was in about the 6th grade I spent a few weeks one summer playing on a softball team. I don't know how it happened, this was the only time in my life that my mom enrolled me in a sports program -- outside of playing a couple seasons of soccer at my school. I used to wait for the pitcher to walk me. I very rarely swung at the ball. When my coach was pitching, he would tell me that I wasn't going to get walked so I might as well take a swing. I don't know why I was afraid of doing it. I must have been afraid to fail.
When I got my first job at a newspaper in Port Huron. I enthusiastically joined the softball team. We never had enough women and would often play one or two people short because of it. But each week I went and played. I was totally accident prone. I took a ball in the face once. Bruised my legs up ridiculously. The other teams started joking that they should bring ice for me, but I never quit.
For some reason these memories have come back to me today as life threw me an unexpected curve ball this week in the form of a little bit of heart break. Somehow these memories of softball seem to fit what I'm feeling today. And they are perfect examples of the extremes of my life.
Sometimes I'm totally afraid and paralyzed by that fear. Other times I just keep fighting through it until I come out ahead.
I think over the past couple of weeks I've been a bit paralyzed with fear. No one at work is happy these days. And that has plunged me into a fog of negativity here that I've been trying to battle with a constant stream of tunes from Pandora. Sometimes it works, others not so well.
I've been having a few relationship rough patches. I spiraled into a fog of seeing only the negative things about myself. I'm too controlling. I pick on people too much. I'm not skinny enough yet, but I'm also so skinny that my pants are sagging unattractively. I can't catch a break in my own eyes.
It's ironic actually. Because up until the past couple weeks I have been feeling great about myself. I'm so proud of what I've accomplished in the past few months. Seriously, 18 pounds is nothing to sneeze at losing. I've written some great stories. There were 18 front page ones in December alone. Seriously, that's kicking butt. I've made some progress on a book idea. I've finally bought the new computer and I'm ready to start writing down these silly children's stories. My friends are better than ever. I've cleared the cobwebs of past relationships from my mind. I met a great new guy. I've run (ok, intervals, but mostly run) the mini-marathon. I blew away my 10 Miler pace. I'm going to see Maria in New Orleans. There is a lot going for me.
Then the curveball.
Partially because of this spiral of negativity I've lost my connection to someone special -- someone that I really had come to depend on. I've let this negative viewpoint skew how I am. I've become really sensitive. I've become critical. I've become unwilling to admit when I'm wrong.
But regardless of whether or not I can restore that connection, this curveball has taught me a valuable lesson. And it was reinforced today when a co-worker's sister suddenly died at a very early age. Life is too short.
There is no point in standing around waiting for the perfect ball to swing at. No one is going to walk me through this life of mine. I have to get in the game again. I have to take charge of things for myself and start swinging again. I have to tell people I love them. I have to do things in spite of negative attitudes and constant naysayers. I have to believe in myself and all the things I have to offer. And I have to share it. Not with strings attached but freely and generously. Kill them with kindness. I might get hit in the face by a ball or have a nasty bruise along the way, but I just can't quit. There is no time for heartbreak and misery. Doesn't mean I won't feel a little sad, but I've got to use that to push me forward. There is positive in everything.
And that's what I'm going to focus on for now. I will be happier and so will the people around me.
I might get hit in the face by a ball or have a nasty bruise along the way, but I just can't quit.
When I was in about the 6th grade I spent a few weeks one summer playing on a softball team. I don't know how it happened, this was the only time in my life that my mom enrolled me in a sports program -- outside of playing a couple seasons of soccer at my school. I used to wait for the pitcher to walk me. I very rarely swung at the ball. When my coach was pitching, he would tell me that I wasn't going to get walked so I might as well take a swing. I don't know why I was afraid of doing it. I must have been afraid to fail.
When I got my first job at a newspaper in Port Huron. I enthusiastically joined the softball team. We never had enough women and would often play one or two people short because of it. But each week I went and played. I was totally accident prone. I took a ball in the face once. Bruised my legs up ridiculously. The other teams started joking that they should bring ice for me, but I never quit.
For some reason these memories have come back to me today as life threw me an unexpected curve ball this week in the form of a little bit of heart break. Somehow these memories of softball seem to fit what I'm feeling today. And they are perfect examples of the extremes of my life.
Sometimes I'm totally afraid and paralyzed by that fear. Other times I just keep fighting through it until I come out ahead.
I think over the past couple of weeks I've been a bit paralyzed with fear. No one at work is happy these days. And that has plunged me into a fog of negativity here that I've been trying to battle with a constant stream of tunes from Pandora. Sometimes it works, others not so well.
I've been having a few relationship rough patches. I spiraled into a fog of seeing only the negative things about myself. I'm too controlling. I pick on people too much. I'm not skinny enough yet, but I'm also so skinny that my pants are sagging unattractively. I can't catch a break in my own eyes.
It's ironic actually. Because up until the past couple weeks I have been feeling great about myself. I'm so proud of what I've accomplished in the past few months. Seriously, 18 pounds is nothing to sneeze at losing. I've written some great stories. There were 18 front page ones in December alone. Seriously, that's kicking butt. I've made some progress on a book idea. I've finally bought the new computer and I'm ready to start writing down these silly children's stories. My friends are better than ever. I've cleared the cobwebs of past relationships from my mind. I met a great new guy. I've run (ok, intervals, but mostly run) the mini-marathon. I blew away my 10 Miler pace. I'm going to see Maria in New Orleans. There is a lot going for me.
Then the curveball.
Partially because of this spiral of negativity I've lost my connection to someone special -- someone that I really had come to depend on. I've let this negative viewpoint skew how I am. I've become really sensitive. I've become critical. I've become unwilling to admit when I'm wrong.
But regardless of whether or not I can restore that connection, this curveball has taught me a valuable lesson. And it was reinforced today when a co-worker's sister suddenly died at a very early age. Life is too short.
There is no point in standing around waiting for the perfect ball to swing at. No one is going to walk me through this life of mine. I have to get in the game again. I have to take charge of things for myself and start swinging again. I have to tell people I love them. I have to do things in spite of negative attitudes and constant naysayers. I have to believe in myself and all the things I have to offer. And I have to share it. Not with strings attached but freely and generously. Kill them with kindness. I might get hit in the face by a ball or have a nasty bruise along the way, but I just can't quit. There is no time for heartbreak and misery. Doesn't mean I won't feel a little sad, but I've got to use that to push me forward. There is positive in everything.
And that's what I'm going to focus on for now. I will be happier and so will the people around me.
I might get hit in the face by a ball or have a nasty bruise along the way, but I just can't quit.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Derby 2009
Wow am I exhausted. I love Derby so much. I have since I was 10 years old and spent my first Derby in the infield with my dad. But I forget how tired I get when working during Derby week.
This was a good week for me. I did sports stories practically every day for USA Today and even had a few sports bylines in the old C-J. And don't forget I'm the police reporter so I had to fire off a couple of things on my normal beat as well. But all in all, it was a good week. Very productive and fun to do something that isn't my normal job. But today I feel like I have a hangover and I haven't even had any alcohol since Friday. Really.
I just thought I would share a few of the highlights from my Derby week experience. They are in no particular order but stick out in my mind as some of the best memories of the week.
* Early mornings on the backside. As a reporter I've had the chance to go to a lot of places that some people never see. One of my favorites is the backside of Churchill Downs. Despite getting up to be at the track every day by 6:15 or 6:30 a.m., I look forward to being out at the barns when the horses are doing their works and the trainers are preparing for the big race. I have met so many nice people being on the backside. And it's kind of fun to watch the media circus that goes on back there. One of my favorites this year was meeting Chip Woolley, who ended up winning the Derby with a horse that no one thought had a shot. He was hobbling around on crutches all week and I said hi to him every time I saw him and interviewed him a couple times. I like to see nice people win.
* Media Party. Had a great time hanging out with my friends and my special fella. The best though was watching the little bro of the special fella whoop it up on the dance floor and make his rounds among some of the ladies who were out there. He was pretty smooth for a 21-year-old and he was loving every minute. I love watching such unadulterated fun.
* Betting Calvin Borel. I love that jockey. He is amazing to watch and the Derby ride was no exception. But I have to say a special thanks to him for riding Jazz in the Park to a win in the 5th race Derby day. His ride, on a 16 to 1 horse, coupled with my pick of Desert Wheat won me $120 bucks on the exacta. Yippee!!!
* Oaks Day. I love having the day off on Oaks. I especially love having the day off when a rainy day turns out to be a sunny day. I got to wear my cute dress and my hat. The Downs was draped in pink to celebrate breast cancer survivors and to raise awareness. My fella and his little bro were my escorts. And aside from the slight case of sunburn and not too many cashed tickets, we had a blast.
* Watching the Derby from the rail. Really, I've told you how I feel about Derby. And watching those horses thunder by gives me a thrill beyond belief. It was especially great this year as Marcus declared the 8 horse done as he went by in last place the first time only to be zooming toward the win as he came back around the second time in front of us. I was screaming. Marcus was screaming. It was great. And though I only put $2 to show on him, I put some money on him and cashed a ticket. $25.80 on a show bet. I only wish I'd put him in the exacta bet. Jeesh.
* Giving rides to strangers. Some things only happen at Derby. As a police reporter, I'm not normally prone to giving rides to people I've never met before. But something happened as I was walking out to meet the special fella, who was picking me up at 9:20 p.m. when I was finally leaving the Downs. This guy in a sport coat asked if they could get a cab over at the Downs. I said yes but they wouldn't want to do that because the line was 200 or 300 people deep. He asked if I could give him and his three buddies a lift. I asked to where. I knew the hotel and I knew I could go the back roads to get them there. I said, I don't know how my boyfriend will feel about me bring four guys over to the car, but we'll give it a shot. The only problem is that there were four of them and they all had to get into the backseat of my Honda Accord. Thank goodness I drive an Accord and not a Civic. They piled in and we had about the funniest 15-minute car ride of my life. I haven't laughed that har
d in a long time. And I have a pics to prove it.
All in all it was a great week. Even though I'm tired, I'm actually already looking forward to next year.
This was a good week for me. I did sports stories practically every day for USA Today and even had a few sports bylines in the old C-J. And don't forget I'm the police reporter so I had to fire off a couple of things on my normal beat as well. But all in all, it was a good week. Very productive and fun to do something that isn't my normal job. But today I feel like I have a hangover and I haven't even had any alcohol since Friday. Really.
I just thought I would share a few of the highlights from my Derby week experience. They are in no particular order but stick out in my mind as some of the best memories of the week.
* Early mornings on the backside. As a reporter I've had the chance to go to a lot of places that some people never see. One of my favorites is the backside of Churchill Downs. Despite getting up to be at the track every day by 6:15 or 6:30 a.m., I look forward to being out at the barns when the horses are doing their works and the trainers are preparing for the big race. I have met so many nice people being on the backside. And it's kind of fun to watch the media circus that goes on back there. One of my favorites this year was meeting Chip Woolley, who ended up winning the Derby with a horse that no one thought had a shot. He was hobbling around on crutches all week and I said hi to him every time I saw him and interviewed him a couple times. I like to see nice people win.
* Media Party. Had a great time hanging out with my friends and my special fella. The best though was watching the little bro of the special fella whoop it up on the dance floor and make his rounds among some of the ladies who were out there. He was pretty smooth for a 21-year-old and he was loving every minute. I love watching such unadulterated fun.
* Betting Calvin Borel. I love that jockey. He is amazing to watch and the Derby ride was no exception. But I have to say a special thanks to him for riding Jazz in the Park to a win in the 5th race Derby day. His ride, on a 16 to 1 horse, coupled with my pick of Desert Wheat won me $120 bucks on the exacta. Yippee!!!
* Oaks Day. I love having the day off on Oaks. I especially love having the day off when a rainy day turns out to be a sunny day. I got to wear my cute dress and my hat. The Downs was draped in pink to celebrate breast cancer survivors and to raise awareness. My fella and his little bro were my escorts. And aside from the slight case of sunburn and not too many cashed tickets, we had a blast.
* Watching the Derby from the rail. Really, I've told you how I feel about Derby. And watching those horses thunder by gives me a thrill beyond belief. It was especially great this year as Marcus declared the 8 horse done as he went by in last place the first time only to be zooming toward the win as he came back around the second time in front of us. I was screaming. Marcus was screaming. It was great. And though I only put $2 to show on him, I put some money on him and cashed a ticket. $25.80 on a show bet. I only wish I'd put him in the exacta bet. Jeesh.
* Giving rides to strangers. Some things only happen at Derby. As a police reporter, I'm not normally prone to giving rides to people I've never met before. But something happened as I was walking out to meet the special fella, who was picking me up at 9:20 p.m. when I was finally leaving the Downs. This guy in a sport coat asked if they could get a cab over at the Downs. I said yes but they wouldn't want to do that because the line was 200 or 300 people deep. He asked if I could give him and his three buddies a lift. I asked to where. I knew the hotel and I knew I could go the back roads to get them there. I said, I don't know how my boyfriend will feel about me bring four guys over to the car, but we'll give it a shot. The only problem is that there were four of them and they all had to get into the backseat of my Honda Accord. Thank goodness I drive an Accord and not a Civic. They piled in and we had about the funniest 15-minute car ride of my life. I haven't laughed that har
d in a long time. And I have a pics to prove it.
All in all it was a great week. Even though I'm tired, I'm actually already looking forward to next year.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Oh what a beautiful morning ...
This week I've been feeling really good in the mornings when I wake up and see the sun shining and realize that the flowers are in bloom and the breezes are getting warmer. It's a really nice feeling. This morning was no different. I'd only like it better if there was a blooming Lilac bush outside my bedroom window like there was when I was a kid. There's nothing I like more than the smell of fresh lilacs.
My coaches, Chris and Kara, issued a challenge this week to spread random acts of kindness. There's a competition ... but I'm not doing so well at it. Actually, that's not true. I've done several little things ... smiling at strangers, starting off someone's train in a cut-throat game of dominos, picking up stray trash blowing around. But nothing that I would put in the competition yet.
But it has gotten me thinking about how wonderful an unexpected kindness can be. For example, I went out to my car in the parking lot today and found a note from my friend Bill, who is really like family, telling me he loves me. It was a nice reminder. We all need to hear that more. Then this special fella that I've been seeing took the time to bring lunch to the park so we could eat together and soak up some sunshine.
It's really nice when you have unexpected joy in the middle of your day. It doesn't make the work go away ... trust me. I'm behind so I know. But it makes it a little more palatable.
So, I'm kind of passing on my coaches challenge to you guys ... do something nice for someone that they aren't expecting. Tell someone you love them. Give someone a sandwich when they are hungry. Think about doing things that have no reward to you ... and then the trick is that it does have a reward. You end up feeling pretty good and you've made someone else happy in the process.
Now, I'm still in search of some random kindnesses to perform myself.
My coaches, Chris and Kara, issued a challenge this week to spread random acts of kindness. There's a competition ... but I'm not doing so well at it. Actually, that's not true. I've done several little things ... smiling at strangers, starting off someone's train in a cut-throat game of dominos, picking up stray trash blowing around. But nothing that I would put in the competition yet.
But it has gotten me thinking about how wonderful an unexpected kindness can be. For example, I went out to my car in the parking lot today and found a note from my friend Bill, who is really like family, telling me he loves me. It was a nice reminder. We all need to hear that more. Then this special fella that I've been seeing took the time to bring lunch to the park so we could eat together and soak up some sunshine.
It's really nice when you have unexpected joy in the middle of your day. It doesn't make the work go away ... trust me. I'm behind so I know. But it makes it a little more palatable.
So, I'm kind of passing on my coaches challenge to you guys ... do something nice for someone that they aren't expecting. Tell someone you love them. Give someone a sandwich when they are hungry. Think about doing things that have no reward to you ... and then the trick is that it does have a reward. You end up feeling pretty good and you've made someone else happy in the process.
Now, I'm still in search of some random kindnesses to perform myself.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Barbie outfitted ...
Last week I wrote a little something about Barbie ... I'm still kind of conflicted about laying down $47 for this plastic bombshell, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to make her mine.
See, here's the deal. I have a super-talented, crafty friend named Heidi. We tease her unmercifully about how she can whip up a meal with like two ingredients or pull off some really great gift with a few baubles and a hot glue gun.
Well, when I got home last Friday from an admittedly hectic day, I had a little gift sitting in front of my door. It was the kind of box that I love -- really small and with a cute little ribbon on it. You realize of course that the best things come in small packages.
Anyway, inside was all the accessories that I'd described on the blog that Barbie was missing. Heidi had made them all. There are flip-flops, betting tickets, a Racing Form, sunscreen and even a rain poncho. I'm not kidding. It was about the most awesome gift I've gotten in a long time.
So, I'm going to have to search out Barbie here in the next few days and bring her home for the festivities.
And this should also be a message that having great friends is the best gift ever. Heidi said the whole thing cost her only a little pocket change and some time honing her photoshop skills. But the thought was way more valuable than that.
See, here's the deal. I have a super-talented, crafty friend named Heidi. We tease her unmercifully about how she can whip up a meal with like two ingredients or pull off some really great gift with a few baubles and a hot glue gun.
Well, when I got home last Friday from an admittedly hectic day, I had a little gift sitting in front of my door. It was the kind of box that I love -- really small and with a cute little ribbon on it. You realize of course that the best things come in small packages.
Anyway, inside was all the accessories that I'd described on the blog that Barbie was missing. Heidi had made them all. There are flip-flops, betting tickets, a Racing Form, sunscreen and even a rain poncho. I'm not kidding. It was about the most awesome gift I've gotten in a long time.
So, I'm going to have to search out Barbie here in the next few days and bring her home for the festivities.
And this should also be a message that having great friends is the best gift ever. Heidi said the whole thing cost her only a little pocket change and some time honing her photoshop skills. But the thought was way more valuable than that.
Friday, April 17, 2009
And they're off...
Tomorrow's giant fireworks display over the Ohio River signifies the start of one of my favorite reasons to live in Louisville ... The Kentucky Derby.
It's one of the busiest times around here, especially for reporters. This year I'm even getting drafted to cover one of the smaller events that come along with a two-week festival. But I'm excited. Yes, every morning leading up to the race I will be getting up before dawn to head to the track and watch the horses work out. Yes, I will be busy, busy, busy writing stories for USA Today's sports page and the Courier-Journal. Yes, there will be a visit from my mom who is going to do the mini-marathon with me. And yes, by the end of it, I'll be pretty freaking exhausted.
But you won't hear me complain about it. I love the atmosphere here during this time of year.
As I look through my bosses office to his window (because my cube doesn't have one) I see the sun shining brightly. It promises to be a beautiful warm day. And it's mornings like this that make me feel really good.
I didn't make it to the gym this morning. After several nights of staying up too late and getting up really early, I decided I could sleep in a little and come in to work from home instead of trying to cram in a workout. And I will be hitting the park in the morning for about 6 miles before next week's mini.
When I woke up a lot of things were on my mind. Lately I've been kind of stewing over things. I want to know what will happen. I want to know what other people are thinking. I want to know what's going to happen with my job. I want to feel settled.
But what I decided when I got up this morning is that I know what I want in my life. And I know what I can't control. I think this has been a theme for me lately ...
I can only do so much. And all this worrying has taken a little of the fun out of things. I have no idea what's going to happen in the future. But worrying about it so much has kind of taken the fun out of just living my life.
And I was thinking this morning as I soaked up a little sun on my way into work that this is the best time of year to enjoy. So, I better get about enjoying it. And if people want to join me in the fun, great. If they don't, I'm sure I can manage.
Someone said to me recently that it seems like I'm making decisions about giving things up in my life. And I guess I can see how that might be ... I've been thinking about giving up my career in exchange for something new and possibly more stable. I've been thinking about giving up dating in favor of dating one particular cool guy that I've met. I've even been thinking about giving up some of my "stuff" in exchange for a more streamlined existence.
But I guess this morning I feel like none of that is about giving anything up. Sure, I'd have to say goodbye to some things. But really it's about gaining things and making my life even better.
It's about gaining new opportunities. Or taking a chance again on finding love and happiness with someone. Or making my home a more pleasant, less cluttered place to live. And the possibilities of what could come from all those things are just amazing and probably too numerous to even know.
Certainly just trying some new things could come with an unhappy ending or loss. But I can't worry about the worst case scenario. I've done that a lot in my life and I need to put out the positive vibes and go after what I want.
Today I'm focused on what I have to gain, not what I have to lose.
(It occurs to me that maybe nobody cares about these posts, but I have to say that they make me feel better. And I know that some of the friends who read them are key to helping me find my way so I'd like you know what's going on. I hope you don't find it obnoxious or boring to read.)
It's one of the busiest times around here, especially for reporters. This year I'm even getting drafted to cover one of the smaller events that come along with a two-week festival. But I'm excited. Yes, every morning leading up to the race I will be getting up before dawn to head to the track and watch the horses work out. Yes, I will be busy, busy, busy writing stories for USA Today's sports page and the Courier-Journal. Yes, there will be a visit from my mom who is going to do the mini-marathon with me. And yes, by the end of it, I'll be pretty freaking exhausted.
But you won't hear me complain about it. I love the atmosphere here during this time of year.
As I look through my bosses office to his window (because my cube doesn't have one) I see the sun shining brightly. It promises to be a beautiful warm day. And it's mornings like this that make me feel really good.
I didn't make it to the gym this morning. After several nights of staying up too late and getting up really early, I decided I could sleep in a little and come in to work from home instead of trying to cram in a workout. And I will be hitting the park in the morning for about 6 miles before next week's mini.
When I woke up a lot of things were on my mind. Lately I've been kind of stewing over things. I want to know what will happen. I want to know what other people are thinking. I want to know what's going to happen with my job. I want to feel settled.
But what I decided when I got up this morning is that I know what I want in my life. And I know what I can't control. I think this has been a theme for me lately ...
I can only do so much. And all this worrying has taken a little of the fun out of things. I have no idea what's going to happen in the future. But worrying about it so much has kind of taken the fun out of just living my life.
And I was thinking this morning as I soaked up a little sun on my way into work that this is the best time of year to enjoy. So, I better get about enjoying it. And if people want to join me in the fun, great. If they don't, I'm sure I can manage.
Someone said to me recently that it seems like I'm making decisions about giving things up in my life. And I guess I can see how that might be ... I've been thinking about giving up my career in exchange for something new and possibly more stable. I've been thinking about giving up dating in favor of dating one particular cool guy that I've met. I've even been thinking about giving up some of my "stuff" in exchange for a more streamlined existence.
But I guess this morning I feel like none of that is about giving anything up. Sure, I'd have to say goodbye to some things. But really it's about gaining things and making my life even better.
It's about gaining new opportunities. Or taking a chance again on finding love and happiness with someone. Or making my home a more pleasant, less cluttered place to live. And the possibilities of what could come from all those things are just amazing and probably too numerous to even know.
Certainly just trying some new things could come with an unhappy ending or loss. But I can't worry about the worst case scenario. I've done that a lot in my life and I need to put out the positive vibes and go after what I want.
Today I'm focused on what I have to gain, not what I have to lose.
(It occurs to me that maybe nobody cares about these posts, but I have to say that they make me feel better. And I know that some of the friends who read them are key to helping me find my way so I'd like you know what's going on. I hope you don't find it obnoxious or boring to read.)
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Sharing one blog on another blog
I posted a blog on the CJ's Derby Fun site today that I thought I would share here. Here is the link -- http://www.courier-journal.com/blogs/news1/blog.html
But I'm also including the text here because it won't stay at the top of the blog for long.
But I'm also including the text here because it won't stay at the top of the blog for long.
Barbie dilemma
I wasn’t one of those girls who grew up playing with dolls. I’d rather put my nose in a book or watch The Muppet Show. My sister loved dolls and I just didn’t get it.
But there was one doll that was never allowed in our house — Barbie. My mom, a bit of a hippy, decided that Barbie wasn’t a very good role model for her two daughters. And we weren’t allowed to have them. I developed a strong dislike for the leggy blonde.
It was pretty tough when years later I had a half-sister who lived and died for her Barbies. She had the dream house, the mobile home, the airplane, a jeep and a host of other contraptions for Barbie to play in. Alex would often ask me why I never gave her Barbies for Christmas and birthdays, to which I would reply, “I hate Barbie.” Her inevitable reply would be to ask me if I would then be the Ken in whatever Barbie scenario she was acting out. She very nearly got me once when she spotted a Barbie in a
But when the news broke a couple of weeks ago that there was a new Derby Barbie doll. I once again was faced with a pretty serious Barbie dilemma. To buy or not to buy?
Here’s the thing: I love
So, this Barbie bedecked in her pretty floral dress, strappy sandals and wide-brimmed
I just got a look at the doll … and I will say she is missing some key accessories. She is wearing those heels, but we all know she will end up walking barefoot out of the track if she doesn’t pack some flip-flops. She doesn’t have any bets in her hands. She’s forgotten her sunscreen — or rain poncho. There’s no program for her to review her horses.
Still, that little girl inside me who never played with dolls still thinks it might be kind of cool to bring this doll home — and maybe keep it for myself.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Running on a dream
It was a rough week last week ... contentious condo meetings, contentious work situations, boys (need I say more on that one?) Anyway, it was rough and I had one of my famous meltdowns -- you know the kind, things spiral around in your brain until all you can do is cry it out and then have puffy eyes for a couple days.
But things started making a turn around by Friday night when I set off with some friends to see Death Cab for Cutie at the Palace. It was an awesome show. Some of the lyrics swirled around in my head and hit just the right note with me. And then I was treated to a really funny display of drunken/stoned/tripping concert behavior by a couple girls who were way into each other. It was some of the funniest behavior I've witnessed in awhile. I thought for a moment they'd been hired as interpretive dancers. Awesome.
But I was still a little out of sorts as I got up super early to head for the Papa Johns 10 Miler. My stomach was in knots, which happens sometimes for me before a big race. But I was alone in my car. My friends were late and I resolved I was going to likely be doing this one alone.
Then I spotted Denise and Maggie -- boo
t camp buddies of mine. And I decided I was going to stick with them and attempt to do the interval run they were embarking on. I've only done this once and made it 3.5 miles. So it was going to be a challenge ... but I rocked it. I can't thank Denise and Maggie enough for all their encouragement and support. We finished the thing hand in hand in just 2 hours 11 minutes. I looked at my watch at 6 miles and realized I was at my 5 mile time and just about lost it in tears. But I didn't and we pushed forward. And our coaches were there at the end to film us crossing the finish line. It was amazing. Aside from the feeling like I just wanted to throw up, which I didn't do. (Photo is some of my other buddies, Kerri, Kat, Heidi and Matt after they all finished.)
The whole experience was just what I needed in my life at the moment.
Here's the thing: I spend a lot of my time worrying about other people. I want my bosses to love what I do and say thank you for it. I want boys to like me. I want the condo residents to get along. I want to achieve and get approval.
All that wanting takes a lot of energy. Sometimes I don't have it. And sometimes I get lost in the process. Over the past several months I have been so happy with my life and have made amazing strides in enjoying the little moments. I've been putting myself first as I make exercise and fun a priority in my life, trying not to over do it at work.
For a couple days last week, I lost my way. My confidence was shaken. I was not the center of my life.
Running 10 miles seemed pretty ridiculous to me at one point. And there were a couple times when I thought, I can't do this for 26 miles in October. But then I remembered I was doing it for 10 with very little practice at it. So, with some dedicated training it'll be no problem.
That race put the focus back on me. And it feels good. My natural urge is to apologize for this ... but you know what? I'm not sorry. I have to live with myself everyday. And I want to like who I"m dealing with.
So, I've got the earphones on and I'm tuning out the corporate drama to focus on the story at hand. I'm not listening to the voices that all think they know what's best for me. Only one voice matters -- mine.
And I think it's going to be great. Because if I focus on what I need, I can make everyone around me happier than if I was trying to kill myself to make them happy.
It's a brand new week. A renewed outlook. And Derby is just around the corner. What could be better than that?
But things started making a turn around by Friday night when I set off with some friends to see Death Cab for Cutie at the Palace. It was an awesome show. Some of the lyrics swirled around in my head and hit just the right note with me. And then I was treated to a really funny display of drunken/stoned/tripping concert behavior by a couple girls who were way into each other. It was some of the funniest behavior I've witnessed in awhile. I thought for a moment they'd been hired as interpretive dancers. Awesome.
But I was still a little out of sorts as I got up super early to head for the Papa Johns 10 Miler. My stomach was in knots, which happens sometimes for me before a big race. But I was alone in my car. My friends were late and I resolved I was going to likely be doing this one alone.
Then I spotted Denise and Maggie -- boo
t camp buddies of mine. And I decided I was going to stick with them and attempt to do the interval run they were embarking on. I've only done this once and made it 3.5 miles. So it was going to be a challenge ... but I rocked it. I can't thank Denise and Maggie enough for all their encouragement and support. We finished the thing hand in hand in just 2 hours 11 minutes. I looked at my watch at 6 miles and realized I was at my 5 mile time and just about lost it in tears. But I didn't and we pushed forward. And our coaches were there at the end to film us crossing the finish line. It was amazing. Aside from the feeling like I just wanted to throw up, which I didn't do. (Photo is some of my other buddies, Kerri, Kat, Heidi and Matt after they all finished.)The whole experience was just what I needed in my life at the moment.
Here's the thing: I spend a lot of my time worrying about other people. I want my bosses to love what I do and say thank you for it. I want boys to like me. I want the condo residents to get along. I want to achieve and get approval.
All that wanting takes a lot of energy. Sometimes I don't have it. And sometimes I get lost in the process. Over the past several months I have been so happy with my life and have made amazing strides in enjoying the little moments. I've been putting myself first as I make exercise and fun a priority in my life, trying not to over do it at work.
For a couple days last week, I lost my way. My confidence was shaken. I was not the center of my life.
Running 10 miles seemed pretty ridiculous to me at one point. And there were a couple times when I thought, I can't do this for 26 miles in October. But then I remembered I was doing it for 10 with very little practice at it. So, with some dedicated training it'll be no problem.
That race put the focus back on me. And it feels good. My natural urge is to apologize for this ... but you know what? I'm not sorry. I have to live with myself everyday. And I want to like who I"m dealing with.
So, I've got the earphones on and I'm tuning out the corporate drama to focus on the story at hand. I'm not listening to the voices that all think they know what's best for me. Only one voice matters -- mine.
And I think it's going to be great. Because if I focus on what I need, I can make everyone around me happier than if I was trying to kill myself to make them happy.
It's a brand new week. A renewed outlook. And Derby is just around the corner. What could be better than that?
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Spring fever...
It's hard to put my finger on why, but lately it's been a little hard to corral some enthusiasm.
Maybe it's the sunshine rays filtering through my boss's office and make their way to my little cubicle. It's like they are taunting me to come outside and play.
Maybe it's the relentless grumpiness that seems to have engulfed all my co-workers of late. One of them kind of grumbled at me as I made an attempt at friendliness this morning and dared to say hello to him.
Or maybe it's the prospect of another furlough week and a salary freeze that has stagnated my enthusiasm to work harder. Or I could just be paralyzed with the length of the list that continues to grow with story ideas.
But this morning's favorite theory is Spring Fever. I want to be outside. I want to be sipping iced tea and reading a book at the corner of Bardstown Road and Eastern Parkway, occasionally looking up to watch the people go by. I want to be walking through the park, looking the budding redbud trees.
I want to be outside so much that I find myself wishing for the scanner to inform me of a good "working fire" or a call out to a crime scene. That's a little sick. I know but my need for an adrenaline rush and a dose of sunshine is getting out of control.
I'm trying to find my center again. I'm trying to get myself back in the game. And I keep reminding myself that it's not about whatever corporate bs is going on in the newsroom at any given time. I don't have to worry about whether or not co-workers are getting preferential treatment on the vacation schedule. I have to let that stuff go.
I need to find my joy in places I don't normally look. I need to be happy with the compliments I get from unlikely sources. I need to revel in meeting the new people who are opening my eyes to new and exciting possibilities.
I had a good one of these moments this week as I watched two beautiful young Burundi girls make their way through security at the airport, bound for Australia where they will be reunited with their older sister. When I met these girls last October, they were quiet, shocked girls who had just lost their mother -- a victim of a hit and run driver.
It wasn't entirely clear what would happen to these newly orphaned refugees. Apparently my story had an impact and many people came forward to help them with donations and offers of support. Eventually the system worked and they got permission to go to Australia to live with one of their only living relatives.
People kept thanking me for the story I had written before. Telling me it made a difference. I think I'd forgotten that was possible. It was nice to be reminded that it is.
I'm hoping this lesson from these two young girls will help me find some focus and enthusiasm for what I do again. I can't stop thinking about them and how they touched my life.
Still, the sunshine looks so inviting ....
Maybe it's the sunshine rays filtering through my boss's office and make their way to my little cubicle. It's like they are taunting me to come outside and play.
Maybe it's the relentless grumpiness that seems to have engulfed all my co-workers of late. One of them kind of grumbled at me as I made an attempt at friendliness this morning and dared to say hello to him.
Or maybe it's the prospect of another furlough week and a salary freeze that has stagnated my enthusiasm to work harder. Or I could just be paralyzed with the length of the list that continues to grow with story ideas.
But this morning's favorite theory is Spring Fever. I want to be outside. I want to be sipping iced tea and reading a book at the corner of Bardstown Road and Eastern Parkway, occasionally looking up to watch the people go by. I want to be walking through the park, looking the budding redbud trees.
I want to be outside so much that I find myself wishing for the scanner to inform me of a good "working fire" or a call out to a crime scene. That's a little sick. I know but my need for an adrenaline rush and a dose of sunshine is getting out of control.
I'm trying to find my center again. I'm trying to get myself back in the game. And I keep reminding myself that it's not about whatever corporate bs is going on in the newsroom at any given time. I don't have to worry about whether or not co-workers are getting preferential treatment on the vacation schedule. I have to let that stuff go.
I need to find my joy in places I don't normally look. I need to be happy with the compliments I get from unlikely sources. I need to revel in meeting the new people who are opening my eyes to new and exciting possibilities.
I had a good one of these moments this week as I watched two beautiful young Burundi girls make their way through security at the airport, bound for Australia where they will be reunited with their older sister. When I met these girls last October, they were quiet, shocked girls who had just lost their mother -- a victim of a hit and run driver.
It wasn't entirely clear what would happen to these newly orphaned refugees. Apparently my story had an impact and many people came forward to help them with donations and offers of support. Eventually the system worked and they got permission to go to Australia to live with one of their only living relatives.
People kept thanking me for the story I had written before. Telling me it made a difference. I think I'd forgotten that was possible. It was nice to be reminded that it is.
I'm hoping this lesson from these two young girls will help me find some focus and enthusiasm for what I do again. I can't stop thinking about them and how they touched my life.
Still, the sunshine looks so inviting ....
Monday, February 23, 2009
Furlough isn't such a bad thing ...
I knew I hadn't lost my job forever, but there was still a little sting when I applied for unemployment last week. But that sting quickly faded when I hit the ground in New Orleans.
Nothing like a little pampering at the Aveda spa to take your mind off your troubles. Follow that up with some yummy, seriously yummy, food. And throw in a couple fabulous drinks for good measure.
I've been to New Orleans several times over the years that my best buddy Maria has lived there. But I've never been for Mardi Gras. I really don't like huge crowds and strangers touching me. But this year, Maria convinced me it was time. The best part is that I really spent very little time in the French Quarter.
Instead, we spent a lot of time on parade routes in neighborhoods filled with adults and children enjoying the festivities. There is something really fun about getting people to throw beads at you. It's cool to see what you get. I got some cool things, but really a couple nights of that was enough.
There's just something fun about New Orleans. Whether it was at the Hornets game on Wednesday -- where I sat next to the biggest fans I think I've ever met who screamed their heads off but made me laugh. Or whether it was just watching all the characters in the parades. Or savoring every bite of crab au gratin. I love it there.
Maria wants me to move there. I'm not sure I'm there in my mind. I think it might be a nicer place for me to visit than live, but you never know I guess. I certainly enjoy the time I spend there.
I came back with beads and lots of good memories. I'm so glad I went.
It was an added bonus that no one from my office was allowed to call, email or text me at all during the week. I truly let things go. And I didn't feel one bit bad that I was missing a big story and not sitting on a SWAT call out for hours on end.
Now, I might not feel so cheery about it when I get one week's worth of pay on the next check. But for now, I'll take that furlough and relish in the fun time I had.
Nothing like a little pampering at the Aveda spa to take your mind off your troubles. Follow that up with some yummy, seriously yummy, food. And throw in a couple fabulous drinks for good measure.
I've been to New Orleans several times over the years that my best buddy Maria has lived there. But I've never been for Mardi Gras. I really don't like huge crowds and strangers touching me. But this year, Maria convinced me it was time. The best part is that I really spent very little time in the French Quarter.
Instead, we spent a lot of time on parade routes in neighborhoods filled with adults and children enjoying the festivities. There is something really fun about getting people to throw beads at you. It's cool to see what you get. I got some cool things, but really a couple nights of that was enough.
There's just something fun about New Orleans. Whether it was at the Hornets game on Wednesday -- where I sat next to the biggest fans I think I've ever met who screamed their heads off but made me laugh. Or whether it was just watching all the characters in the parades. Or savoring every bite of crab au gratin. I love it there.
Maria wants me to move there. I'm not sure I'm there in my mind. I think it might be a nicer place for me to visit than live, but you never know I guess. I certainly enjoy the time I spend there.
I came back with beads and lots of good memories. I'm so glad I went.
It was an added bonus that no one from my office was allowed to call, email or text me at all during the week. I truly let things go. And I didn't feel one bit bad that I was missing a big story and not sitting on a SWAT call out for hours on end.
Now, I might not feel so cheery about it when I get one week's worth of pay on the next check. But for now, I'll take that furlough and relish in the fun time I had.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Ice queen ...
I'm so happy to be spending this Monday not writing about storm debris or people without power, though my trip to western Kentucky to cover the aftermath of the storm was pretty good and resulted in a pretty good Sunday story.
I realized while I was working a 14 hour day on Thursday that the real reason I love my job is being able to get out and meet some new people. It's a privilege to interview folks and hear their stories. I might have been tired (and a bit cranky) upon my return, but it was worth it.
Anyway, I'm not going to wax poetic about it ... but I got an email this morning from a friend that made me laugh. And then I realize that it is pretty close to the mark. So, I wanted to share it.
The subject line read: ode to the ice queen -- the content follows.
I realized while I was working a 14 hour day on Thursday that the real reason I love my job is being able to get out and meet some new people. It's a privilege to interview folks and hear their stories. I might have been tired (and a bit cranky) upon my return, but it was worth it.
Anyway, I'm not going to wax poetic about it ... but I got an email this morning from a friend that made me laugh. And then I realize that it is pretty close to the mark. So, I wanted to share it.
The subject line read: ode to the ice queen -- the content follows.
Through Sleet or Hail, Snow or Ice, Tornadic Winds and Blinding Rain. She does it all – She’s DISASTER GIRL!
Watch as her pen moves with lightening speed on the pad, writing a full eight inches in less than a minute. That’s right – she’s DISASTER GIRL!
Ice or Snow Storm?? Disaster Girl will hit the streets. 80 MPH windstorm??? Disaster Girl will trudge through it headfirst. Record breaking floods??? Disaster Girl will row her way to the scene.
DISASTER GIRL - APPEARING IN CITIES NATIONWIDE
(now accepting applications for A-1 stories above the fold)
Monday, February 2, 2009
Ice, ice baby
I know I have a skewed perspective on ice and snow having grown up in Michigan and lived in Chicago twice. I was first introduced to "snow mania" when I lived in Washington D.C. where reports of a possible flurry (notice that's not plural) would send people to the Safeway to stock up on milk and bread.
I thought it must be a regional thing. But soon realized after moving to southern Virginia and now Kentucky that this is a southern thing. People FREAK OUT when there are reports of snow coming.
This time, the snow actually materialized. And then came the ice.
I should have known about 2:30 a.m. Wednesday morning as I listened to a transformer exploding somewhere in my neighborhood and then the cracking and crashing of tree limbs that I was in for a busy few days.
Somehow I escaped this storm pretty much unscathed. By some miracle I did not lose power -- only a few flickers early on. My car did not have a tree limb land through its windshield, despite the number of trees I regularly park under. I haven't fallen on my rear or had snow fall inside my boots leaving that uncomfortable cold, wet sock thing going on.
I only once had to bat my eyelashes and cheerily smile at a couple of strangers and ask them to help push my car free from the ice it was stuck in.
But I have been busy as all get out. I've been going to daily press briefings on the status of massive power outages. I've listened to people tell their stories about how they are trying to cope without power. I've had to hear about lives lost because of carbon monoxide poisoning. It's not been fun.
In Louisville, we've seen the worst for the most part. Power is coming back on and the ice is starting to melt. Not so happy to hear that there will be another 1 to 3 inches of snow piling up tomorrow, but what can you do.
I expect I'll be heading out into the state later this week to see how people are coping in the areas that are really hard hit ... those places where they may not get power back for weeks. The areas where the National Guard is being called in to help. I'll keep you posted on that.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Oh yeah, the dress ....
Ok, in the last post I didn't talk about the Bluegrass Ball. It was a swanky affair for those attending ... but for those of us working, not so much. I walked around talking to folks who were having a good time and drinking bourbon. And then they ate a wonderful meal as well. But me, I snagged a couple pre-dinner snacks but then went out for Lebanese food with Maria and Jim, which was actually quite fun. We were a site in our fancy duds at this restaurant I tell you.
But for those who were curious, here's how the dress looked. Thanks to my friend Heidi for the pic ...
And just for
fun I include this picture of us gals having a few margaritas earlier that day. Yum!!!
My fellow Americans ...
Seems like everyone had been waiting -- Republicans and Democrats alike -- for the inauguration of Barack Obama. Some had a feeling of hope, some of dread. It all depends on perspective.
I'd been quite anxious myself. I was pumped up to be in Washington, D.C. and ready to gather up as much news as I could. I just wanted to say I'd been there. More than that really ... it's my urge to always be in the middle of the big story. And how much bigger could the inauguration of the country's first black president be?
As a native Detroiter, I knew what this moment would mean. I knew what it would mean to my high school English teacher. What it would mean to my mentor sitting at home in Louisville watching with a glass of Jack to toast with. What it would mean to all the mixed-race children in my family and community to see this man as a role model.
Still, there was a moment at 6 a.m. as I saw the news reports of hundreds already flocking the mall and windchills reaching only 9 degrees, when I paused and thought seriously that I'd lost my mind to plunge into this.
But it was a fleeting thought. I donned the seven layers I'd carefully laid out the night before. Wrapped two scarves around my neck and face. Put on the coziest hat I could find. Laced up my hiking shoes covering two pairs of socks and headed out for the mall.
Luckily, I was staying with a conveniently situated friend who lives just past Union Station. I thought this will be no problem. Then I hit the crowds. Oh my God were there crowds. I've never seen anything like it in my life. I think I have a better understanding of how salmon feel now.
People pressed together and just shuffled along as they tried to reach a spot where they could grab a glimpse of a giant screen. It was slow going. But we all made it somewhere eventually.
After a failed, and probably ill-advised, attempt to meet up with some fellow Louisvillians, I realized the futility of my effort. I won't describe the number of people that I was pushed or jostled by but let's say I don't need anyone to touch me for quite some time.
I decided to settle in or I would be left with no view and likely a harder journey back. I staked out a place just south of the Washington Monument. A jumbotron in front of me, though slightly angled. Here is where height works in your favor.
Still, some folks don't understand that when you've staked out a place, that is not an invitation for them to come stand in it. There was quite a bit of jockeying for position that went on in that last hour. And I became entrenche
d in very tight quarters with a bunch of people I didn't know.
In a truly Jessie moment, I happened to stand next to a man from Kenya, Alex. He now lives in Baltimore. In my grandmother's tradition, I talk to people I don't know. With a few simple questions, I came to learn that Alex moved to the U.S. to attend college at .... wait for it ... the University of Kentucky. I KNOW RIGHT!!! 2 million people and I stand next to a guy who went to UK. Needless to say I whipped out the notebook feeling a wave of relief that I had at least one quote to work with.
We all stood watching the ceremony intently. It isn't nice to boo so I didn't even though the rest of the crowd let out a raucus boo for our previous president.
But it was the joy and the tears and the smiles and the cheers that erupted during pretty much every move Obama made that will stay with me forever. There was a lot of hope in that crowd. A lot of dreams realized in that crowd. There was interest in the process. And a joy for the moment.
Near me stood a man from Africa making his life here now. A black couple from D.C. filled with the energy and poinancy of the moment. There was a young Indian woman fervently clapping. A group of Latinos was joking in back of me. A white couple from Leesburg, Va. stood attentively watching.
It's the moment I've been waiting my whole life for.
It's the first moment I remember in a public setting where race didn't seem to hinder anyone. No one seemed to notice it much. If you were a jerk pushing people, someone always called you out on it, no matter who you were. A white woman wrapped in an American flag stood guard over two older black women who were trying to keep their portable seats from being trampled. Children sat on parents shoulders to catch a
glimpse.
It was an amazing day. I'm not thinking about the two hours it took me to walk the two miles back to the apartment. I'm not thinking about the cold and the amount of time it took my face to thaw out.
It was just cool to be there to witness history in the making. It was cool to be a reporter documenting the moment.
It was just cool.
I'd been quite anxious myself. I was pumped up to be in Washington, D.C. and ready to gather up as much news as I could. I just wanted to say I'd been there. More than that really ... it's my urge to always be in the middle of the big story. And how much bigger could the inauguration of the country's first black president be?
As a native Detroiter, I knew what this moment would mean. I knew what it would mean to my high school English teacher. What it would mean to my mentor sitting at home in Louisville watching with a glass of Jack to toast with. What it would mean to all the mixed-race children in my family and community to see this man as a role model.
Still, there was a moment at 6 a.m. as I saw the news reports of hundreds already flocking the mall and windchills reaching only 9 degrees, when I paused and thought seriously that I'd lost my mind to plunge into this.
But it was a fleeting thought. I donned the seven layers I'd carefully laid out the night before. Wrapped two scarves around my neck and face. Put on the coziest hat I could find. Laced up my hiking shoes covering two pairs of socks and headed out for the mall.
Luckily, I was staying with a conveniently situated friend who lives just past Union Station. I thought this will be no problem. Then I hit the crowds. Oh my God were there crowds. I've never seen anything like it in my life. I think I have a better understanding of how salmon feel now.
People pressed together and just shuffled along as they tried to reach a spot where they could grab a glimpse of a giant screen. It was slow going. But we all made it somewhere eventually.
After a failed, and probably ill-advised, attempt to meet up with some fellow Louisvillians, I realized the futility of my effort. I won't describe the number of people that I was pushed or jostled by but let's say I don't need anyone to touch me for quite some time.
I decided to settle in or I would be left with no view and likely a harder journey back. I staked out a place just south of the Washington Monument. A jumbotron in front of me, though slightly angled. Here is where height works in your favor.
Still, some folks don't understand that when you've staked out a place, that is not an invitation for them to come stand in it. There was quite a bit of jockeying for position that went on in that last hour. And I became entrenche
d in very tight quarters with a bunch of people I didn't know.In a truly Jessie moment, I happened to stand next to a man from Kenya, Alex. He now lives in Baltimore. In my grandmother's tradition, I talk to people I don't know. With a few simple questions, I came to learn that Alex moved to the U.S. to attend college at .... wait for it ... the University of Kentucky. I KNOW RIGHT!!! 2 million people and I stand next to a guy who went to UK. Needless to say I whipped out the notebook feeling a wave of relief that I had at least one quote to work with.
We all stood watching the ceremony intently. It isn't nice to boo so I didn't even though the rest of the crowd let out a raucus boo for our previous president.
But it was the joy and the tears and the smiles and the cheers that erupted during pretty much every move Obama made that will stay with me forever. There was a lot of hope in that crowd. A lot of dreams realized in that crowd. There was interest in the process. And a joy for the moment.
Near me stood a man from Africa making his life here now. A black couple from D.C. filled with the energy and poinancy of the moment. There was a young Indian woman fervently clapping. A group of Latinos was joking in back of me. A white couple from Leesburg, Va. stood attentively watching.
It's the moment I've been waiting my whole life for.
It's the first moment I remember in a public setting where race didn't seem to hinder anyone. No one seemed to notice it much. If you were a jerk pushing people, someone always called you out on it, no matter who you were. A white woman wrapped in an American flag stood guard over two older black women who were trying to keep their portable seats from being trampled. Children sat on parents shoulders to catch a
glimpse.It was an amazing day. I'm not thinking about the two hours it took me to walk the two miles back to the apartment. I'm not thinking about the cold and the amount of time it took my face to thaw out.
It was just cool to be there to witness history in the making. It was cool to be a reporter documenting the moment.
It was just cool.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
To be or not to be inspired ...
Lately I feel like I'm doing a lot of waffling ... One minute I feel completely upbeat and positive and the next I feel like things are never going to work out right and unmotivated.
On Saturday, I got up pretty early for a rainy Saturday morning and went out to walk the 4-mile Snowman Shuffle with my dedicated group of friends. It was really inspiring to see my friend Kat make it through the whole thing in about an hour and running spurts of it. Harris Bueller kept me entertained and motivated as we walked slightly ahead of Kat. We can't help it if our legs are so long.
It was a good feeling to complete something like that when really the basic instinct is to stay in bed. I feel like I've really changed the way I view exercise. I make it to the gym regularly and have seen a real change in my appearance and how I feel. That's inspiring for sure.
But then I have these moments when I just can't figure out where my life is heading. Things are bleak for the newspaper business. Rumors keep circulating about more layoffs coming or unpaid furloughs that I know I will definitely feel the pinch of one way or another. Friends at other papers talk about outsourcing to India and paycuts. It's not easy to stay focused when those things are swirling around.
Personally, I'm trying to find the zen, peaceful place in my life. I'm trying to find that space where once again I'm ok with just being single. I'm ok with just doing the best I can at work and knowing that I can't control the rest of the madness. I'm trying to give myself permission to not be crazy busy all the time.
And then I just want to keep getting out there too ... I'm planning to start finally doing some work for Habitat as I've wanted to do for the last year. I'm trying to decide what I can do to spend some time with young people who are searching for direction as well. I want to get the time and mental space to start writing ... for me, not for work. I want to take that Feb. dance class.
Even in the course of this one blog entry, I feel like I've waffled between optimism and pessimism. I don't know from day to day which one will win out.
I'm not sure why I'm even documenting this internal struggle at the moment ... maybe I'm hoping some of you out there who look at this might have some ideas. Or at least will be able to tell me that I'm not alone in this struggle these days.
On Saturday, I got up pretty early for a rainy Saturday morning and went out to walk the 4-mile Snowman Shuffle with my dedicated group of friends. It was really inspiring to see my friend Kat make it through the whole thing in about an hour and running spurts of it. Harris Bueller kept me entertained and motivated as we walked slightly ahead of Kat. We can't help it if our legs are so long.
It was a good feeling to complete something like that when really the basic instinct is to stay in bed. I feel like I've really changed the way I view exercise. I make it to the gym regularly and have seen a real change in my appearance and how I feel. That's inspiring for sure.
But then I have these moments when I just can't figure out where my life is heading. Things are bleak for the newspaper business. Rumors keep circulating about more layoffs coming or unpaid furloughs that I know I will definitely feel the pinch of one way or another. Friends at other papers talk about outsourcing to India and paycuts. It's not easy to stay focused when those things are swirling around.
Personally, I'm trying to find the zen, peaceful place in my life. I'm trying to find that space where once again I'm ok with just being single. I'm ok with just doing the best I can at work and knowing that I can't control the rest of the madness. I'm trying to give myself permission to not be crazy busy all the time.
And then I just want to keep getting out there too ... I'm planning to start finally doing some work for Habitat as I've wanted to do for the last year. I'm trying to decide what I can do to spend some time with young people who are searching for direction as well. I want to get the time and mental space to start writing ... for me, not for work. I want to take that Feb. dance class.
Even in the course of this one blog entry, I feel like I've waffled between optimism and pessimism. I don't know from day to day which one will win out.
I'm not sure why I'm even documenting this internal struggle at the moment ... maybe I'm hoping some of you out there who look at this might have some ideas. Or at least will be able to tell me that I'm not alone in this struggle these days.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Power of the dress
Not many people describe me as girly. I don't spend much time, if any, on my makeup. I don't wear three inch skinny heels (though I do like shoes but must have comfort). I swear too much. I watch hockey games while I'm home alone and there isn't a guy in sight. And I don't take too much shit and I'm not afraid to call you out on yours either.
With all that said, I do appreciate a good shopping trip or a night of margaritas with the girls. I love to dress up and I enjoy the girly things in life in moderation.
But this week I had a moment of complete and total girliness beyond my own expectations.
I bought a dress. Not just any dress. A ball gown to wear to the Bluegrass Ball in DC during the inaugural festivities.
It's a beautiful chocolate brown -- technically named truffle. My sister says I will look delicious in it.
The best part about this dress was how I found it. Kitty Kat sent me an email on Tuesday proclaiming her joy at finding not one, but two, great dresses at Margaret's consignment shop. She sent a picture estimating the look of a teal dress she bought. I wanted the brown dress in the picture.
Later that evening the girls and I were having dinner at a Thai restaurant next to David's Bridal. Now, I don't go in bridal stores unless I have to. I went with my sister when she was shopping for her dress but I don't stop by on my own to browse. I'm not one of those girls.
But David's happens to be having their big sale right now. And when we walked out of dinner at 8:30 p.m. we were surprised to see David's still open. So, we all ran in, literally. Poor Harris Bueller was the lone male in this gaggle of girls but found a comfy couch to sit on.
We started pouring over the sale racks, pulling out gowns. And then there it was ... the dress.
It was strikingly similar to Kitty Kat's picture and I loved it instantly. I snatched up two sizes (because bridal is evil and always too small.)
I tried on the 14 ... way too big. Amazing. Then the 12 ... but this required calling in the troops and Kerri had to come help me in. We weren't sure I was going to make it. But then it all came together.
And it was amazing. It fits like it was made for me. I cinches my waist in just the perfect ways. "My girls" look amazing in it. And it flows out in just the perfect shape.
All day yesterday, I thought about this dress and it makes me smile. I feel like a princess and I"m not the princess type. Somehow this dress makes me feel like all the heartache and pain of the past couple months can be mended. That somehow if I can fit into something so beautiful that there is hope for finding love again.
Maybe it's stupid. It's only a dress right? And really what's important is that I'm the one in the dress and I'm amazing. But something about this dress -- which was also really cheap -- makes me believe in my own beauty again. It makes me remember that I am fabulous and worth loving. It makes me remember that I do a lot of amazing and fun things. It makes me remember how fun I am.
Because if I wasn't all those things, I wouldn't have found that dress.
With all that said, I do appreciate a good shopping trip or a night of margaritas with the girls. I love to dress up and I enjoy the girly things in life in moderation.
But this week I had a moment of complete and total girliness beyond my own expectations.
I bought a dress. Not just any dress. A ball gown to wear to the Bluegrass Ball in DC during the inaugural festivities.
It's a beautiful chocolate brown -- technically named truffle. My sister says I will look delicious in it.
The best part about this dress was how I found it. Kitty Kat sent me an email on Tuesday proclaiming her joy at finding not one, but two, great dresses at Margaret's consignment shop. She sent a picture estimating the look of a teal dress she bought. I wanted the brown dress in the picture.
Later that evening the girls and I were having dinner at a Thai restaurant next to David's Bridal. Now, I don't go in bridal stores unless I have to. I went with my sister when she was shopping for her dress but I don't stop by on my own to browse. I'm not one of those girls.
But David's happens to be having their big sale right now. And when we walked out of dinner at 8:30 p.m. we were surprised to see David's still open. So, we all ran in, literally. Poor Harris Bueller was the lone male in this gaggle of girls but found a comfy couch to sit on.
We started pouring over the sale racks, pulling out gowns. And then there it was ... the dress.
It was strikingly similar to Kitty Kat's picture and I loved it instantly. I snatched up two sizes (because bridal is evil and always too small.)
I tried on the 14 ... way too big. Amazing. Then the 12 ... but this required calling in the troops and Kerri had to come help me in. We weren't sure I was going to make it. But then it all came together.
And it was amazing. It fits like it was made for me. I cinches my waist in just the perfect ways. "My girls" look amazing in it. And it flows out in just the perfect shape.
All day yesterday, I thought about this dress and it makes me smile. I feel like a princess and I"m not the princess type. Somehow this dress makes me feel like all the heartache and pain of the past couple months can be mended. That somehow if I can fit into something so beautiful that there is hope for finding love again.
Maybe it's stupid. It's only a dress right? And really what's important is that I'm the one in the dress and I'm amazing. But something about this dress -- which was also really cheap -- makes me believe in my own beauty again. It makes me remember that I am fabulous and worth loving. It makes me remember that I do a lot of amazing and fun things. It makes me remember how fun I am.
Because if I wasn't all those things, I wouldn't have found that dress.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Motivate me
Here's the thing about motivation: Sometimes you have it. Sometimes you don't.
When the alarm screeched on this morning on at 6 a.m., I did not have it.
So, I laid there for a snooze, twice. Then I figured I better call Peppermint Patty and get her moving, if that was possible. I don't think she had motivation either. So, I laid there some more. I even decided that today, with rain coming down and 34 degree temps, I could skip the gym.
Then a funny thing happened. I started to think about boot camp. And I thought about all those women who were already finishing up their workouts for the day. And then I thought about what Chris and Kara -- the best coaches ever -- would say to me. And it would not be to just roll over and go back to bed.
So, I got up. I went to the gym, only about half hour later than normal. And I hit the elliptical. I even managed to try the 20 incline, which lasted for about 2 minutes until I thought I was going to puke. I saw a new stand full of medicine balls and decided to test out a few former boot camp moves.
All in all, it was awesome. And as I sit here at my desk, I'm feeling really good and proud of myself for not giving up on the goal of hitting the gym every day this week. And I'm doing the Snowman Shuffle on Saturday so I have a week full of exercise ahead of me. For the moment, I believe I can accomplish it.
An old friend from high school, who I've recently been emailing with on Facebook, told me about a neat website that I went to check out this morning -- www.43things.com
Basically, it lets you log your goals. They suggest making 43. I gave it a whirl and it was pretty cool. I'd already made a list on a scrap of paper that I'm carrying around with me about some things I want to accomplish in 2009. There aren't 43 things on that list, so I expanded it a bit and if I don't reach all these 43 goals in 2009 it won't be the end of the world. I think it might need a little adjusting, particularly if I'm going to let it expand beyond 2009. But it was a cool exercise.
Now I just need to find some motivation for the story I have to write today.
When the alarm screeched on this morning on at 6 a.m., I did not have it.
So, I laid there for a snooze, twice. Then I figured I better call Peppermint Patty and get her moving, if that was possible. I don't think she had motivation either. So, I laid there some more. I even decided that today, with rain coming down and 34 degree temps, I could skip the gym.
Then a funny thing happened. I started to think about boot camp. And I thought about all those women who were already finishing up their workouts for the day. And then I thought about what Chris and Kara -- the best coaches ever -- would say to me. And it would not be to just roll over and go back to bed.
So, I got up. I went to the gym, only about half hour later than normal. And I hit the elliptical. I even managed to try the 20 incline, which lasted for about 2 minutes until I thought I was going to puke. I saw a new stand full of medicine balls and decided to test out a few former boot camp moves.
All in all, it was awesome. And as I sit here at my desk, I'm feeling really good and proud of myself for not giving up on the goal of hitting the gym every day this week. And I'm doing the Snowman Shuffle on Saturday so I have a week full of exercise ahead of me. For the moment, I believe I can accomplish it.
An old friend from high school, who I've recently been emailing with on Facebook, told me about a neat website that I went to check out this morning -- www.43things.com
Basically, it lets you log your goals. They suggest making 43. I gave it a whirl and it was pretty cool. I'd already made a list on a scrap of paper that I'm carrying around with me about some things I want to accomplish in 2009. There aren't 43 things on that list, so I expanded it a bit and if I don't reach all these 43 goals in 2009 it won't be the end of the world. I think it might need a little adjusting, particularly if I'm going to let it expand beyond 2009. But it was a cool exercise.
Now I just need to find some motivation for the story I have to write today.
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