And they're off...

Tomorrow's giant fireworks display over the Ohio River signifies the start of one of my favorite reasons to live in Louisville ... The Kentucky Derby.

It's one of the busiest times around here, especially for reporters. This year I'm even getting drafted to cover one of the smaller events that come along with a two-week festival. But I'm excited. Yes, every morning leading up to the race I will be getting up before dawn to head to the track and watch the horses work out. Yes, I will be busy, busy, busy writing stories for USA Today's sports page and the Courier-Journal. Yes, there will be a visit from my mom who is going to do the mini-marathon with me. And yes, by the end of it, I'll be pretty freaking exhausted.

But you won't hear me complain about it. I love the atmosphere here during this time of year.

As I look through my bosses office to his window (because my cube doesn't have one) I see the sun shining brightly. It promises to be a beautiful warm day. And it's mornings like this that make me feel really good.

I didn't make it to the gym this morning. After several nights of staying up too late and getting up really early, I decided I could sleep in a little and come in to work from home instead of trying to cram in a workout. And I will be hitting the park in the morning for about 6 miles before next week's mini.

When I woke up a lot of things were on my mind. Lately I've been kind of stewing over things. I want to know what will happen. I want to know what other people are thinking. I want to know what's going to happen with my job. I want to feel settled.

But what I decided when I got up this morning is that I know what I want in my life. And I know what I can't control. I think this has been a theme for me lately ...

I can only do so much. And all this worrying has taken a little of the fun out of things. I have no idea what's going to happen in the future. But worrying about it so much has kind of taken the fun out of just living my life.

And I was thinking this morning as I soaked up a little sun on my way into work that this is the best time of year to enjoy. So, I better get about enjoying it. And if people want to join me in the fun, great. If they don't, I'm sure I can manage.

Someone said to me recently that it seems like I'm making decisions about giving things up in my life. And I guess I can see how that might be ... I've been thinking about giving up my career in exchange for something new and possibly more stable. I've been thinking about giving up dating in favor of dating one particular cool guy that I've met. I've even been thinking about giving up some of my "stuff" in exchange for a more streamlined existence.

But I guess this morning I feel like none of that is about giving anything up. Sure, I'd have to say goodbye to some things. But really it's about gaining things and making my life even better.

It's about gaining new opportunities. Or taking a chance again on finding love and happiness with someone. Or making my home a more pleasant, less cluttered place to live. And the possibilities of what could come from all those things are just amazing and probably too numerous to even know.

Certainly just trying some new things could come with an unhappy ending or loss. But I can't worry about the worst case scenario. I've done that a lot in my life and I need to put out the positive vibes and go after what I want.

Today I'm focused on what I have to gain, not what I have to lose.

(It occurs to me that maybe nobody cares about these posts, but I have to say that they make me feel better. And I know that some of the friends who read them are key to helping me find my way so I'd like you know what's going on. I hope you don't find it obnoxious or boring to read.)