If you know me at all, you know that I'm not a fan of rollercoasters. I will spend all day at an amusement park happily walking around watching the people, eating soft pretzels and watching my family ride. But I'm not getting on one. I tried the Rugrats one at King's Island a couple summers ago and that was too much for me ... yes, the kiddie coaster.
So, right now I'm not too happy that my life feels like a giant rollercoaster. It's been a constant series of ups and downs over the past month. I guess I'm realizing that it's probably just the way life is.
I've spent a lot of my life, dreading the climb to the top of the coaster because I know on the other end comes the fall. I don't deal so well with the fall. It's been a constant in my life. With the ups, come the downs. And I'm always waiting for the downs.
And I'm no doubt in a down right now.
But here's what I'm doing about it -- I'm trying to take it in stride. I'm trying to enjoy the ride as much as possible. And when I have to cry I do. But mostly I'm just trying to ride it out.
Today I got an incredible high. My dad is going home from the hospital for the first time in over a month. And they don't expect he'll have to go back for another dose of chemo until after Christmas. So, without any further complications, he should be home for the holiday. I'm very happy for him about that.
And while I was on the phone with him, I was able to tell him that I'm doing something too -- I'm going to join Team in Training and instead of raising money for breast cancer research this year, I'm going to raise some money for leukemia research. I'll be doing it for the mini-marathon. And all that training will coincide with his chemo treatments. It's really the only thing I can think of to do proactively. I believe very strongly in karma and putting the good vibes out to the universe -- so that's what I'm going to do. And I feel so good about this decision.
People say don't make any major life decisions when life is throwing you curve balls. But I don't sit around well, so I'm starting to take some steps to get myself back in the swing of things. The Christmas decorations came up and I'm transforming my house into the holiday spirit. I'm headed to New Orleans for a week to meet Press and spend time with Maria. I'm exploring some new options that could be really exciting and enriching. I'm setting myself up to write some more for myself.
Maybe I'm just trying to stay too busy ... that may be partly true. But I'm better when I'm busy and not wallowing. I'm stronger than I know-- I just have to prove it to myself again.
I'm trying to love life's rollercoaster -- but still don't expect me to get on the Diamondback or the Beast.
UPDATE:
To add to this rollercoaster, my dad didn't end up going home yesterday. They want to keep an eye on a couple of other things going on for a bit. I'm telling you ... I want off. I don't like the constant changes going on in my life right now. Makes it harder to just go along for the ride.
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