One day at a time

Don't have a lot of time for a blog entry today but I'm trying to get back in the routine of writing so here it goes. The rollercoaster of my life continues to move forward but I feel like I've been coping with it a little better the last couple days.

I'm trying to put the focus back on myself. Yes, I'm terribly sad and disappointed that the bf has bailed out of my life. But this was his choice. Not mine. Doesn't mean I love him less, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I'm not so good in those situations that I can't control. But I'm starting to do some things that I should have been doing for myself all along.

I'm a pretty well-adjusted, self-aware person. But sometimes I don't take the time I need to make sure I'm doing things to care for myself. I'm trying to do that now.

It's frustrating when all of a sudden you are faced with an entire week off and you have absolutely no idea how to spend it. I keep thinking about the trips the bf and I were planning and missing that opportunity. I'm kind of paralyzed by picking a week to take off. I think I'm just going to pick one and hope for the best and I'll worry about what to do with it after Christmas.

But mostly, I'm just trying to do things that make me stronger. I went to a meeting last night and picked up a couple gems from it. That's a good thing. I need to keep asking myself "is it worth it?" when it comes to arguing or putting up a fight about something. I think I've gotten out of that habit. I'm continuing to remind myself how blessed I am with good friends and family who are standing by me and making sure I'm doing things for myself. And instead of trying to figure out all the reasons that things didn't work out, I just have to focus on what I'm learning and have already learned from the experience.

It's a good time for growth. Someday I'm sure it won't feel so exhausting to have been through this ... and I'll know what the gem of this whole experience has been.

NOTE on my dad: He had to have his gall bladder removed this morning, but he came through the surgery ok (based on my sister's report). So, we're hoping he can go home this weekend sometime. It will be nice for him to get home and stay there through Christmas. Fingers crossed.