Where does the time go?

This morning I got here at 6 a.m. for the dreaded morning shift duties and for some reason I looked up at the quote board in front of my desk. This is the place where my colleagues and I immortalize some of our funniest or most outlandish sayings so that we can remember them. Mine tend to be those things you say in the heat of the moment and didn't think too much about.

But back to my point. As I looked at one of the quotes I noticed it was from May 2008. Seriously? I remember saying it (it has something to do with assaulting an editor -- all in fun of course). But how could it have been two years ago?

Lately it seems like my life is on fast forward. And as it gets imminently closer to my birthday, I'm having that feeling on overdrive. Now, I'm not freaking out about turning 37 -- I mean not a total freak out as can happen on odd-year birthdays for me. But I do find myself wondering how I got to this point in my life so quickly.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm actually pretty happy with where I am. Sure, when I pictured my life 10 years ago, I didn't expect that I would have stayed in one place for nearly 7 years -- or that I would be selling my condo and looking for houses, which basically indicates I have no plans to leave Louisville. Shocker.

I certainly didn't imagine that at 37 I'd still be trying to navigate the singles scene. I mean I am a fantastic catch -- please spread the word about that to your single male (straight) friends in their mid-30s to early 40s. I'm serious about that. But after a very painful breakup and another stab at dating, I realize that I'm ok with this and that eventually the right person will come along. And in the meantime, I'm learning so much about other people and myself. And I'm being honest about what I'm looking for.

I didn't imagine that my father would be in the hospital, post stem cell transplant. He's hanging in there but it's been a very rough road for him. We're still waiting for his white cell counts to start going up and pretty much the only thing that makes him feel better is popsicles. (This by the way is my niece Alaina's answer to being sick -- eat popsicles and ice cream.)

And I never thought that I would have turned into a marathoner. I think it's safe to say that as I prepare for my second marathon in less than a year that I've become a marathoner, especially since I'm already signed up to do the Chicago marathon on Oct. 10. It's hard to believe that in just over a week I'll be at the starting line of the San Diego marathon. And on top of all the training, I was able to raise (with much generous support) more than $5,400 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team in Training. Not to brag, but I was the top fundraiser on my local team, with Maggie a close second also going over $5,000. That's more than $10,000 by Team Doug!!!! So, thanks for that.

I guess my point is that time flies. And as I start to do that annual assessment that inevitably comes with each of my birthdays -- I have a lot of blessings to count. While I could sit around and think about the negatives -- because there are plenty of those -- I'm proud of myself that at this point in my life, I chose to count the positives. I'm grateful for all those painful things of the past six months or so because they have really taught me a lot and ultimately made me stronger.
And I'm grateful for all the people in my life who have helped me get through this time. I've met some new friends. I've gotten closer to old friends. And even those people who have fallen out of my life lately, I still hold them in a special place in my heart and carry the lessons I learned from them no matter how painful the separation has been.

So, Happy Birthday to me. By this time next year (which will be here in an instant) I will have a new house, hopefully some new friends, maybe even a special guy, another couple marathons under my belt, more great stories, and who knows what else -- the possibilities are endless.

Running down a dream...

Saturday was another great run for me. I didn't set out on this marathon training to hit new personal records in each race, but it seems to be happening. I wasn't as fast in this 10 miler as the first two shorter races, but that was by design. I averaged 12.5 minute miles to finish in 2 hours and 5 minutes. That's five minutes less time than last year's race. And it was in the middle of a windy day, with a rainstorm in the middle. It felt really good though. And we did about 3 miles to start before the race.

It's an amazing feeling to push yourself beyond what you thought possible. And so far the pain in the knee is manageable. I'm staying on top of it and keeping myself stretched and doctored up. I think it helps to not run as many hills too.

But today I'm starting to feel it a bit. I have to run six in the morning, but as I sit here tonight, I'm exhausted. I feel the muscles aching. I just want to curl up on my couch and have someone bring me food and drink. But I'm going to head home (hopefully soon if the editors can focus long enough to finish my story) and slug up and down the steps to do laundry and figure out my own dinner situation.

It's ok. This is my life. I take care of myself and rely on the support of friends and family to keep encouraging me that I'm doing the right things. I really rely on that support. I'm counting on the kind words of encouragement. And sometimes they come from the unlikeliest of places. Today a co-worker -- someone I don't talk to or see that often -- came up to me and handed me $50 to give to the walk. It was great. And what was even better is that he was totally interested in what I'm doing and encouraging about it.

I never thought I'd be able to raise more than $4,000 in three months -- and more coming with fundraisers still planned and other donations still coming in. I never thought I'd be this ok with being on my own again. But the truth is, I'm happy with who I am. I would love to have someone to share it with -- but I'm ok with myself.

Spring has sprung

As I get older, time just seems to speed up. I've been thinking that I owe myself (and anyone who reads this) a blog entry. But every day seems to end without one getting written. But, when I realized the last time I posted was nearly two months ago, I couldn't believe it.

So here we go. I'm going to try to get back in the blogging routine. I'm no less busy, probably more so these days. But I'm going to try for at least once a week. We'll see how it goes.

These past two months have flown by ... filled with life lessons, laughter, tears and a whole bunch of monotonous work in between. Someday -- hopefully April 11 -- you guys will be able to read the series of stories that have occupied much of my time over the past couple months. I'm not giving away much, but I'm very proud of them. I hope you will enjoy them.

I feel happier than I have in a long time, which is a weird feeling because it continues to mingle with a lot of anxiety and worry in my life too. But it's to be expected. Mostly I just feel an overwhelming sense of pride in myself that I've been able to manage all the daily stuff while keeping some fun in my life. There are a lot of things that could have sidelined me into an abyss of sadness and depression -- but it hasn't happened that way. It's a major accomplishment actually.

I've been running -- 15 miles logged so far this week with a big race and extra miles slated for Saturday. Woo-hoo. The fundraising has been amazing. So many thanks to give out to my friends ... and there are thank you cards in the works too.

Derby is quickly approaching and that is always great fun coupled with a lot of work.

It's just one of my favorite times of the year. This morning as I ran, I couldn't help noticing the daffodils on the side of the path. The buds springing up on the trees. The smell of spring in the air. It always makes me hopeful. That feeling is growing inside of me that good things are coming.

But part of what I realized today is that there are good things now ... not just those that await me. I could be sad that I don't have someone to go home to after a day of writing about a kid shot while playing with a gun with his brother. Or I can be grateful that I had a friend willing to go to dinner with me and let me debrief about it. I could be sad that my dad is starting chemo again next week in anticipation of his bone marrow transplant. Or I can be grateful that he's found an anonymous 23-year-old donor who is giving him a shot at a cure.

These are my choices. I choose gratitude. It's a much healthier, happier way to deal with things. It's the way Spring itself would handle it I think.

And it's amazing how when you choose this path, the universe (God, whatever you believe in) brings so much wonderful stuff into your life. In the past couple months, I've had full friendships and met new people I hope will become strong friends. I've won an award from my company -- for a story I pushed and worked my butt off to get (along with Marcus). I've gotten some freelance work. I've planned my trip to San Diego for the marathon .... lots of great stuff and some really small victories too.

Anyway ... that's probably enough for now. Feels good to be back at the blog game. : ) Enjoy the sunshine.