Running on a dream

It was a rough week last week ... contentious condo meetings, contentious work situations, boys (need I say more on that one?) Anyway, it was rough and I had one of my famous meltdowns -- you know the kind, things spiral around in your brain until all you can do is cry it out and then have puffy eyes for a couple days.

But things started making a turn around by Friday night when I set off with some friends to see Death Cab for Cutie at the Palace. It was an awesome show. Some of the lyrics swirled around in my head and hit just the right note with me. And then I was treated to a really funny display of drunken/stoned/tripping concert behavior by a couple girls who were way into each other. It was some of the funniest behavior I've witnessed in awhile. I thought for a moment they'd been hired as interpretive dancers. Awesome.

But I was still a little out of sorts as I got up super early to head for the Papa Johns 10 Miler. My stomach was in knots, which happens sometimes for me before a big race. But I was alone in my car. My friends were late and I resolved I was going to likely be doing this one alone.

Then I spotted Denise and Maggie -- boot camp buddies of mine. And I decided I was going to stick with them and attempt to do the interval run they were embarking on. I've only done this once and made it 3.5 miles. So it was going to be a challenge ... but I rocked it. I can't thank Denise and Maggie enough for all their encouragement and support. We finished the thing hand in hand in just 2 hours 11 minutes. I looked at my watch at 6 miles and realized I was at my 5 mile time and just about lost it in tears. But I didn't and we pushed forward. And our coaches were there at the end to film us crossing the finish line. It was amazing. Aside from the feeling like I just wanted to throw up, which I didn't do. (Photo is some of my other buddies, Kerri, Kat, Heidi and Matt after they all finished.)

The whole experience was just what I needed in my life at the moment.

Here's the thing: I spend a lot of my time worrying about other people. I want my bosses to love what I do and say thank you for it. I want boys to like me. I want the condo residents to get along. I want to achieve and get approval.

All that wanting takes a lot of energy. Sometimes I don't have it. And sometimes I get lost in the process. Over the past several months I have been so happy with my life and have made amazing strides in enjoying the little moments. I've been putting myself first as I make exercise and fun a priority in my life, trying not to over do it at work.

For a couple days last week, I lost my way. My confidence was shaken. I was not the center of my life.

Running 10 miles seemed pretty ridiculous to me at one point. And there were a couple times when I thought, I can't do this for 26 miles in October. But then I remembered I was doing it for 10 with very little practice at it. So, with some dedicated training it'll be no problem.

That race put the focus back on me. And it feels good. My natural urge is to apologize for this ... but you know what? I'm not sorry. I have to live with myself everyday. And I want to like who I"m dealing with.

So, I've got the earphones on and I'm tuning out the corporate drama to focus on the story at hand. I'm not listening to the voices that all think they know what's best for me. Only one voice matters -- mine.

And I think it's going to be great. Because if I focus on what I need, I can make everyone around me happier than if I was trying to kill myself to make them happy.

It's a brand new week. A renewed outlook. And Derby is just around the corner. What could be better than that?