In search of a gift ...

Day 4 of the giving challenge was a little hectic. I spent all day running around for stories and was battling a bunch of my sadness, trying to keep it from overflowing.

I have a ton of work to do. And I have a ton to do to get ready to go home next week. Presents need to be wrapped and packed. Presents need to be bought (though I think I'm pretty close to being done with that actually.) I'm trying to find the holiday spirit but not always doing so well. This morning, in fact, I've already snapped at several people after finding my police scanner exploded because people can't just leave my stuff on the desk. Breathe.

Anyway, I looked around all day thinking I would find someone to gift too ... but didn't have anything good present itself. A friend had given me a page from the latest Glamour that listed several ways to give this holiday season. So, about 10 p.m. (cutting it a little close) I got online to make a $10 donation to Feeding America. That $10 will provide 20 bags of groceries to needy families this season. They are trying to provide 3.3 million bags. Yikes!!! But it makes me feel good that I could help out. In fact, every time I've been able to give a gift, it does really give me a sense of peace in my own rocky world.

Check out the link for Feeding America http://feedingamerica.org/default.aspx

Went to a meeting last night where there was a lot of talk about gratitude. People have been telling me pretty frequently that I need to get angry and then I would feel better. But that path doesn't seem right to me. I don't want to be angry. I want to be happy and at peace. I know I'm going to be sad for awhile and that rocky times are still ahead with my dad's illness. But I want to be grateful, not angry.

So, today I'm going to try to remember what I have to be grateful for. I even had this thought this morning that a month after the breakup (today) that I'm grateful for this chance to learn more about myself. I actually feel thankful that this has opened up a space for me to look into what I need and what makes me happy. That's a gift in and of itself.

For today's Day 5 gift, I have some holiday presents for my bowling team members. Tonight is our last night bowling before the holidays. I've been in a bit of a slump this season -- bowling my worst ever -- so I'm hoping that will turn around tonight and get better as we start the second half of the season.